Letting Go

He's been telling me he was ready for weeks. But I wasn't ready. Taking off those training wheels (in my mind, anyway) meant a potentially painful process. Would he fall and get hurt? Would he get frustrated? Would I get frustrated? Would he have a bad experience and never want to ride again? And, let's be honest, I didn't want to let go of the ease and security of being able to go for walks without the added "hassle" of waiting for a wobbly novice bike rider (I know, so selfish). But there's another thing those training wheels represented, too. It meant my little boy is growing up. That he's doing big kid things. That sooner than I'm ready for, he's going to be riding all around the neighborhood on his bike, all on his own, without me and my watchful care. It's one more way he's leaving my nest and spreading his wings. It's one more symbol of his growing independence and proof that he needs me less, and, worst of all, the reality that grows closer all the time that one day he will leave and be completely on his own. And just like I feared letting him go for that first time on his bike, I wonder and worry, "Will he get hurt? Will he get frustrated? Will he have a bad experience that will keep him from trying again?"

And then something magical happened. He did it. And it all happened so fast. Grant had taken off his training wheels and Eliot was off and riding before I even realized what was going on. And Eliot was fine. More than fine -- he was amazing! Confident, able, excited! And, maybe even just as amazing, so was I! I was so excited! I was filled with a level of pride and happiness and excitement that I wasn't prepared for. Just like he'd been telling me, he was ready. He did awesome. And I stood back and wiped a few stray tears from my eyes, not because I was sad, but because I was so proud and excited for Eliot's big day. I have vivid memories of the first time I rode a bike without training wheels. I was so excited I was able to do it, I took off around the block (something I was forbidden to do), with a trail of neighbors and friends behind me. It was exhilarating. And maybe that had a lot to do with my feelings of excitement for Eliot -- I remember how that felt and had an idea how he was feeling, and I was so happy for him to have that moment.

We walked behind Eliot while he went for a surprisingly long ride. He didn't want to stop, and so we let him. We let him go. And go and go. And as Grant and I walked and marveled, I felt so strongly in those moments that, in all those future moments when I will hesitate and worry as a parent, I will be okay. My kids will be okay. They will try hard things, and they and I will be surprised at what they will accomplish. Maybe not all of our firsts will be as smooth as Eliot's first bike ride. There will undoubtedly be some bumps and bruises and maybe even some big crashes, but it will all turn out okay in the end. They have to let go, and try new things, and I have to let them. Because only when I do can truly amazing things happen.

This was such a great day! I hope Eliot will remember it. I know I will.

 Even little brother joined in the excitement. He was adamant about wearing his own helmet (you can never be too safe; those Radio Flyers can be dangerous, after all!).  Zach got so excited for Eliot that he wanted to jump out of the wagon and run behind. It was quite the sight to see our bike rider followed by his helmet-head little bro running as fast as his little legs would carry him (and his shoe fell off more than once).

Not quite ready for you to grow up on me, buddy! But when it's your turn, I promise I'll let you go, too. And you'll be amazing, just like your brother.

Returning to Young Women!

A few weeks ago I decided to start reading this book, "A Return to Virtue," by Elaine S. Dalton, who was released last General Conference as the Young Women General President. I've had it on my shelf for a while, and decided that was what I wanted to read next. This book is special to me because Sister Dalton is a personal hero of mine. I was lucky enough to interview and hire her son as a teacher at the MTC. At the time, she was serving as a counselor in the General YW presidency, and I didn't make the connection. Eventually I connected the dots (I'm slow to catch on at times ...), and asked Chad if his mom would ever be willing to hold a fireside with the teachers in our area. She agreed! And so in the middle of the Christmas season and BYU finals, Sister Dalton came to the Relief Society room of the ward building where Grant and I were attending church and presented a beautiful fireside. It was an honor to meet her and have that intimate association with her. If you can believe it, she is even more beautiful and radiant in person!

Lucky for me, my interactions with Sister Dalton didn't stop there. Chad very graciously invited me to attend his sealing at the Salt Lake City temple. I was working at the Church Office Building at the time, and timidly popped over to support Chad and his sweet bride. It was lovely, and again, such an honor. His mother kindly remembered me, and whenever I would take manuscripts to the Young Women offices, she would make a point of saying "hello." My greatest privilege was when my friend and coworker at the magazines invited me to interview Sister Dalton and the rest of the General Young Women Presidency at that time -- Sisters Susan Tanner and Julie Beck. For over an hour we asked them questions and discussed the For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet. It was amazing. In the weeks following as I took proofs and layouts back and forth for their approval, I was able to share with Sister Dalton the good news that I was expecting our first baby. She was so sweet and sincere. What a blessing to have such close interactions with a beautiful woman whose influence has been so profound on the young (and not so young!) women of the Church.

I love Sister Dalton. Not just because I've had the chance to know her personally, but for all that she is and stands for. I remember seeing her one day across the underground parking lot that connects the Church Office Building, Church Administration Building, and Relief Society Building, and I was struck by how much she literally glowed. It didn't hurt that she was wearing a beautiful white tailored suit, but honestly, she glowed. Now there is no doubt that she is a lovely lady, but what makes her radiate is her purity and the joy she has found through faithfully living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She reflects every good thing I would want my own daughter to know and live, and I will forever be grateful for the impact she made on me and my life through the talks she gave and the standards she defended.

It was during Sister Dalton's service that the 8th Value was added to the Young Women's theme and program: Virtue. What a needed and necessary focus for today's Young Women! And Sister Dalton testified so powerfully on so many occasions of that heavenly trait. I'm looking forward to reading her book, especially because of all the running references she includes (another reason I look up to her -- she's a marathoner!).

But when I picked that book up off my shelf, I had no idea that within days I would be called as the new Laurels Advisor in our ward. I will admit that when I was first called, my stomach dropped a bit. I was not expecting a calling, and I was certainly not expecting that calling! Don't get me wrong, I love serving in the Young Women program -- it is fun, meaningful, and so rewarding. But it is busy and demands not only time, but also a great emphasis on personal worthiness and being a righteous example to the girls. I have served in Laurels before, and I felt a deep responsibility as the girls' "last dose" of gospel instruction before going off to college and entering the world of young adulthood (no pressure!). Needless to say, I have been very humbled by this opportunity. It will stretch me. It's going to force me to be better at managing my time and prioritizing.  It's going to push me out of my comfort zone, since I do NOT feel like I have a personality that lends itself to working with the youth. And it will stretch me in terms of evaluating my own personal righteousness. It's hard to feel like a worthy role model when you're so painfully aware of all your shortcomings and weaknesses!

BUT, all of that said, all those worries and fears aside ... Since attending our first activity, teaching my first lesson, being set apart, and attending my first board meeting with all of the other newly called leaders, I have felt nothing but peace and excitement for this new opportunity. The other leaders are amazing women, most of whom I don't know too well and look forward to rubbing shoulders with as we serve together. And the girls are wonderful. All of them. From Beehives up, they are good and sweet and loving and so desirous to be loved. There will be challenges and worries, but there has already been so much that is good and uplifting and FUN. I'm so glad that Heavenly Father knows what we need better than we do! I had the thought today that "life doesn't always turn out how we plan, but we can be assured that Heavenly Father has a plan for us." 

The day that the old Young Women's presidency was released and our new one was called was Fast and Testimony Meeting. A sister from our ward and mother to one of my Laurels bore her testimony. She thanked the leaders who had served for the difference they had mad in the life of her daughter and then bore testimony of the witness she had received that the newly called leaders were exactly who God wants serving at this time. But what I loved most about what she said was this, speaking to those of us who were just sustained, "You will have all you need to be all they [the girls] need." I loved that so much I wrote it down. What a beautiful statement that is true of service no matter what the auxiliary, and definitely true of our roles as parents. "You will have all you need to be all they need."

So, as I return to Young Women, I will also "return to virtue." I will strive to follow the example of pure and righteous women like Sister Dalton. I will try to be that example to the beautiful young ladies I will lead. I can already see how much I will learn from them and how much this opportunity will bless my life. What a blessing to be a daughter of a "Heavenly Father who loves us," and "to stand as witnesses of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places!"

My Big Kindergarten Kid!

Eliot started Kindergarten!! He's our first to go to grade school, and we're so excited for him! He's more than ready, and is off to a great start at just about a week in. Here he is on his first day:

 We spent quite a bit of time the day before searching for just the right shirt (since none of Mom's choices were acceptable!). He finally landed on a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt.

I love the sweet expression on is face in this one.

When we got to the school, we were met with a pretty exciting scene -- balloons, signs, and even a red carpet to welcome the Kindergarteners!  All the Kindergarten teachers, principal, and even some of the older kids were out giving high fives while music played. It made the kids' entrance so upbeat and exciting instead of scary or sad. What  a great idea! Even as a reluctant first-time mama, I couldn't help but get caught up in the excitement of it all!

Eliot wasn't nervous at all. He was ready to start his new adventure! No tears at this goodbye at all! (From him, at least!)  Grant surprised us both by showing up during a little break between hearings, and he's the one that sent Eliot down the red carpet. That sure meant a lot to me and made it so much easier to walk away after dropping off my little boy. Still, there's nothing that takes away the surreal nature of that moment.

Zachers and I went home after dropping Eliot off and went for a jog and then home to make a surprise for Eliot: 

We took all the extras to his friends in the neighborhood who also had their first day of Kindergarten that day.

Overall, Eliot seemed to have a great day! He had a "no biggie" attitude about the whole thing! He thinks his teacher is very nice, he absolutely loves recess, and has talked a lot about a little girl named Katelyn. :)

Can't believe we're already to this stage, but it sure is a lot of fun!

And how am I holding up a week into it? The first day was so much fun, and I thought it was going to be easier than I expected, but as the week wore on, I got kinda sad realizing this is for real and he really will be in school every day. But I know it's time, and he's ready, so off we both go -- on to learning new things and stretching and growing!

Sunset on a Chapter of Life

Appropriately, the night before Eliot started Kindergarten, I walked outside and was met with the most beautiful sunset. It was one of those moments when I knew Heavenly Father was aware of me and the mix of emotions in my heart. That sunset was His gift to me to let me know He understands how it feels to let go of your children and trust they'll be safe and happy in a whole new experience outside of your care.

I took in a quiet few moments, and let the reality sink in of the change in front of me. I know it's not that big of a deal, sending your little one off to school. Moms all around the world do it all the time, and as far as I know, everyone comes out okay. But this is my first -- my first child leaving my protective little world, where I control all the input. I know he'll do great. He has a great teacher and goes to a good school. He's a sweet and smart boy and will make friends and be successful.

 

But it still hurts. It hurts to know this is the first step in my pure-hearted little boy shedding his innocence. He's going to learn words I don't want him to learn. He's going to see people do and say mean things. Some of those mean things will happen to him. And I can't stop it or control it. I know that's part of life and growing up, but it's rough on a mom's heart. In the week he's been in school, he's already had someone tell him he's "weird," and I've had to walk him through that. I hurt inside for him and wished I was more confident and courageous in assuring him that everything's going to be okay and not to worry about things like that, when, as a sensitive person, I understand how hard it is for a sensitive person to navigate this difficult world.

 

My comfort in all of this is that at the end of the day, he will still come, here, home. He will come home to the safety and security of the world I can control. I hope it will always be a soft place to land, a place where he will always feel comforted and happy to come home to do. The place I returned to after my little non-verbal chat with Heavenly Father about all this change business. It's a nice place to be.

Summer Learning Topics

It was only a few days into summer break when I noticed that my boys were squabbling a lot more than usual. My boys didn't really fight that often before then, and I thought it was just because Zach was too little and they weren't old enough to fight yet ... ha! It didn't take long for this naive/slow mama to realize that they needed some activities and structure to keep them occupied so they wouldn't kill each other! Necessity is honestly what generated the idea that ended up making our summer a really fun success! I decided to map out week-long learning topics and accompanying activities -- everything from water safety to dinosaurs to camping/mountains. Some went along with holidays and events, others were based on things I thought the boys would enjoy. Some weeks I was more ambitious than others; in fact, I started off with a bang and then kind of fizzled for a few weeks (and then the fighting began and I started back up again! :)). This post is a sampling of some of the highlights. I wish I had been better at taking pictures and documenting all we did, but I guess it's okay to just be in the moment and not worry about capturing it all in photos.

Here's what we did:

Week 1: End of School Celebration/Beginning of Summer/Weather. This week we mostly just rang in summer with biking to our favorite parks, playing in the sandbox/back yard, having play dates and eating popsicles, but I also taught Eliot about weather reports and what different weather symbols mean. I was surprised by how much he loved it! We made a little "Today's Weather Is ..." sign for the fridge, and Eliot enjoyed switching out the pictures to match each day's weather. We also re-learned the Primary song, "Oh, What do You do in the Summertime?"

Week 2: Garden/Plants. This was my super ambitious week. We made hand-made labels/stakes for the garden, painted flower pots, made muffin cup/straw flowers, made banana muffins in flower-shaped muffin cups, learned "Mary, Mary Quite Contrary," made an awesome visual aid for "The Prophet Said to Plant a Garden" to use in FHE, sample different fruits and vegetables and compared their seeds, took a walk to our stake gardens and tried to guess what kinds of vegetables would grow from the plants we saw, had a guessing game with fruits and veggies in a bag and the boys had to guess what each was blindfolded, and made fruit pizza.  No wonder I fizzled after that week! :)

Week 3: Zoo Animals/Families/Fathers. This was Zach's birthday week, and we planned to go to the zoo on his birthday, so we spent the days leading up to that learning about zoo animals. We made a list of one animal for each letter of the alphabet. Smarty pants Eliot came up with one for almost every letter all by himself! We introduced the boys to Madagascar, which none of us had seen before, and they LOVED it! I think I heard the song, "I Like to Move it, Move it!" twenty times that week. And Eliot did the funniest dance to go along with it. The obvious highlight of the week was the zoo trip. The boys also did a great job preparing fun surprises for Grant for Father's Day. We practiced "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home" so they could sing it to him on Father's Day. Here are my handsomes that day:

Week 4: Birthdays/"I Am Special" We listened to the story "You Are Special" by Max Lucado and re-learned the song "I'm a V.I.P." that Eliot had learned in his first year of preschool. One of Eliot's favorite activities was looking through picture books and seeing how much he has grown. He wanted to do that every day for a week or two. I let the boys pick some of their favorite activities, which included making cookies, swinging, going to the park, inviting Grandma and Grandpa to our house, and playing in the water in the back yard. Things I wish I had done this week but didn't get to included doing a silly photo shoot of the boys, making "all about me" posters/scrapbook pages, and asking family members to share their favorite things about each of the boys ... next year! I did get a few fun pictures randomly one night, and I love how happy and sweet the boys look together ... yay for brothers!

Week 5: Farm Animals. This was the week leading up to the Lehi Roundup Rodeo, so this topic was perfect! We live close enough to open fields and horse property that all we have to do is walk around the block to see horses and cows and hear roosters and chickens! We sang and looked at books of Old MacDonald, watched the Lehi Stock Parade and of course went to the Rodeo, we learned the names of baby farm animals and made farm animals out of play dough (well, that was the idea, but it mostly evolved into making Angry Birds out of play dough ... which actually turned out amazing!). We didn't make it to Farm Country at Thanksgiving Point or read/watch Charlotte's Web or feed the ducks at Grandma's work, but again, there's always next year!

Week 6: Freedom/America. For the week of July 4th, we worked on U.S.A. puzzles, practiced the Pledge of Allegiance, talked about respect for the flag, went on walks and spotted the flag in people's yards, made Our Best Bites-inspired red, white, and blue treats for our family BBQ on the 4th and for our ward's "Walkabout" for which we were a host family. We played "I Spy" and looked for red, white, and blue objects, read our Fact Tracker Magic Tree House book about the Revolutionary War, and learned things I never knew before about the Statue of Liberty from this great book we checked out from the library:

Week 7: Water Safety & Water Fun. I found some kid-friendly packets online to teach the boys about water safety. The packets included coloring pages, crossword puzzles, science experiments about why things sink and float, and that guided our activities for the week. Since we have a canal that cuts through our neighborhood, I took the boys on a walk and told Eliot about the dangers of canals. He took it really seriously, which I think is a good thing because he's become a little over-confident in the water this summer. On the lighter side, we went to Seven Peaks as a family that week, played in the water table, met friends at the Riverwoods Splash Pad, picked out new bath toys at the store, and made predictions about whether several household objects would sink or float. Grant even pulled up some YouTube videos of old David Letterman segments (pre-screened!) of "Will it Float?", which Eliot was fascinated by!

Week 8: Beach/Ocean. This was my favorite week! I love the ocean and going to the beach, so my enthusiasm shone through all the activities we did, which rubbed off on the boys. We looked through one of my favorite picture books, "Hello, Ocean" by Pam Munoz Ryan. 

I asked Eliot questions to see if he remembered going to the beach in Oregon, but he didn't. :( We will have to remedy that with a return trip! Other favorite activities of the week included making sand castles, making homemade "sand dollar" cookies (snickerdoodles with sliced almonds, inspired by this post by my super-talented friend, Laura), made sand art, and visited The Living Planet Aquarium in Sandy (more photos of that in post to come). It was my first visit there, and while it's no Oregon Coast Aquarium, they do a good job with what they've got. We're really excited for the new facility opening later this year! There was a lot more we could have done with that week, so it's a topic we'll definitely revisit!

Week 9: Pioneers/Heritage. We had a special FHE about Pioneers and learned the song "To Be a Pioneer" and talked about what it means to be a pioneer. I realized Eliot didn't know much about pioneers or even covered wagons and handcarts, because when I showed him pictures and told him about them, he didn't know what they were. I found a book from my childhood, "Betsy Buttons," online and read it to Eliot. And, despite it being about a doll belonging to a little pioneer girl, he loved it (thanks to the exciting parts about Indians and buffalo, I think!). We went on a walk to our stake center, where there's a monument celebrating the Sesquicentennial of the pioneers arriving in Utah. I had had big ambitions to visit the This is the Place Heritage Park in Salt Lake and/or Temple Square, but a last-minute decision to go to Lagoon on Pioneer Day made for a busier week than planned. Lots more ideas we could have done for this week ...

Week 10: Dinosaurs. Also a very fun week. This one stretched out over a week and a half because there was so much we wanted to do! We made dino matching games and learned the names of several dinosaurs, we watched "The Land Before Time," had a dino egg hunt, "dug" for dinosaurs in the sand, played on the dino bone play equipment at the mall, re-learned the darling preschool song "Digga Digga Dinosaur," visited the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, made dinosaur sticker pictures, painted terra cotta pot volcanoes and made them explode, and made a special snack fit for our little paleontologists -- oreo-covered chocolate pudding with "dino bones" (graham cracker Scooby snacks) buried in it. This was a fun week! 

 

  

 

Week 11: Dentists/Dental Health & Mountains/Camping. Eliot and I had dentist appointments this week, so to gear up, we watched a couple videos on YouTube and talked through what might happen at the appointment. Eliot did great, and neither of us had cavities! To prep for our trip to Jackson Hole, we read lots of books from the library about camping and mountain animals. Eliot's favorite one was all about animal tracks. The best part about this week was experiencing the real deal and having the beautiful Teton Mountains as our backdrop. And Eliot could not have been prouder to have seen three moose up close and personal!

 

 

Week 12: Sports/Baseball. The idea with this one was to finish the week by going to a local baseball game, but monsoon season struck, and we got rained out! We still had hot dogs and Cracker Jacks, checked out books from the library about baseball and sports, and played ball outside (and inside, too), but unfortunately, a lot of our plans resulted in moments like this: 

At least they were getting along, right?!

Week 13: End of Summer & Beginning of School Celebration. Before summer was over, we crammed in as much as we could, including one last trip to the lake ...

T

We also hit the snow cone shack a few last times,

played at our favorite parks,

enjoyed lazy mornings and relaxed schedules,

made cookies and visited Daddy at work,

went swimming at the Rec Center,

had our last Seven Peaks outing,

had family barbecues,

and had late nights with movies and Eliot's favorite summer show, "Wipeout."

With school now in session and having to come to terms with Eliot gone every day, I'm already missing summer. There was so much more I wish we could have done, and it all went by so fast! Good thing summer keeps coming around and I'll have lots more to enjoy with my kiddos!

Favorite Things 2013

From time to time I enjoy posting about some of the things {food, gadgets, design elements, etc.} that I'm currently into. I always like hearing about those kinds of things from other people, and it's a fun record of my likes and interests at any given time. I think it's important for my kids and posterity to realize I'm a real person with real likes and hobbies, so here's some of what I've been enjoying as of late:

Grilled pizza!! Our Best Bites has some great recipes and how-to info in their books/blog (this is their photo). I've been curious about trying this for a long time, but didn't believe it would work. But, with a little practice, we've become pros this summer, and now it's one of our favorite ways of eating pizza, especially in the summer. My tips: keep 'em small (easier to manage on the grill), have all your toppings/sauces handy so you can work fast, use an upper rack if possible to let cheese melt but not overcook your crust, and buy pre-made dough!

Cookie butter ... if you haven't tried this, you need to! I might even like it more than Nutella (I know, gasp!). Try it spread on the chocolate-dipped Biscoff cookies, and you might be in heaven (or sugar shock).

And to offset the pizza and cookie spread, I've gotten hooked on not-so-green (but still green!) smoothies. We get a TON of blackberries off our vines, but they're tart and only good for jam, pies, and ... smoothies!  My favorite blend right now is blackberries, banana, orange, and spinach. I know I'm slow on the green smoothie trend, but I'm always surprised by how refreshed and good I feel after drinking one! Lately I've been having one every day at lunch or breakfast. And the best part is the boys knock them down! Eliot even requests the spinach ... nice!

This color toenail polish. Most days I struggle to feel anywhere near pretty. If I manage to get showered and out of workout clothes, it's a great day! But having a bright pop of feminine color on my toes always helps me feel like more than a perma-ponytail mommy!

I've been using the MyFitnessPal website off and on for almost a year now as I've been participating in some health and fitness challenges. A friend of mine teaches online college Nutrition classes, and this is the site she recommends. The database is amazing, and it's really informative to see the breakdown of calories and nutrition facts of what you're eating. My weight has still fluctuated and I'm actually in a bit of a weight slump right now, but I think I'm learning a lot about my eating habits and counting calories. I think I'm definitely better about getting more fruits and veggies in my diet. If you're working on weight loss or just improving or monitoring your nutrition, I definitely recommend this program!

Speaking of nifty technology tools ... I LOVE the improvements the Church has made to the Gospel Library app!! I love being able to toggle back and forth among several references at once during lessons and look things up right on the spot! One of my favorite things about Gospel Library is being able to listen to the scriptures and lessons. I've slacked in my scripture study, and recently confided the fact at a visiting teaching appointment. My VT companion mentioned she listens to the scriptures every morning when putting on her makeup, and I took her suggestion and have been so much more successful ever since!

And I just love these bluetooth headphones Grant got me for my birthday. I love maximizing my time by listening to audio books while I clean the house, and it is so nice to not have cords from my headphones getting in my way! (I also love them for running and exercise, too.)

And now on to the dreaming portion ....

One of my favorite HGTV shows right now is Property Brothers, and on a recent episode, I found myself coveting the couple's retro appliances! They were the answer to my appliance dilemma ... I like shiny and sleek but after owning a stainless steel fridge, I don't love the upkeep! Tada!! The retro appliances the couple had were perfect and beautiful and unique!  I had a hard time finding anything exactly like they had, but these kind of give the idea ...

This fridge is a lot like what they had, and with the finished kitchen, it looked so awesome! 

And I love the creamy, buttery look of this range!

Topped off with a gorgeous, character-filled, functional butcher block island, you've got my dream kitchen!

If only, right?!

There you have it, some of my favorites and wish list items ... for this year, at least! I'd love to hear your comments on your favorite products and/or wish list items!