Sunset on a Chapter of Life

Appropriately, the night before Eliot started Kindergarten, I walked outside and was met with the most beautiful sunset. It was one of those moments when I knew Heavenly Father was aware of me and the mix of emotions in my heart. That sunset was His gift to me to let me know He understands how it feels to let go of your children and trust they'll be safe and happy in a whole new experience outside of your care.

I took in a quiet few moments, and let the reality sink in of the change in front of me. I know it's not that big of a deal, sending your little one off to school. Moms all around the world do it all the time, and as far as I know, everyone comes out okay. But this is my first -- my first child leaving my protective little world, where I control all the input. I know he'll do great. He has a great teacher and goes to a good school. He's a sweet and smart boy and will make friends and be successful.

 

But it still hurts. It hurts to know this is the first step in my pure-hearted little boy shedding his innocence. He's going to learn words I don't want him to learn. He's going to see people do and say mean things. Some of those mean things will happen to him. And I can't stop it or control it. I know that's part of life and growing up, but it's rough on a mom's heart. In the week he's been in school, he's already had someone tell him he's "weird," and I've had to walk him through that. I hurt inside for him and wished I was more confident and courageous in assuring him that everything's going to be okay and not to worry about things like that, when, as a sensitive person, I understand how hard it is for a sensitive person to navigate this difficult world.

 

My comfort in all of this is that at the end of the day, he will still come, here, home. He will come home to the safety and security of the world I can control. I hope it will always be a soft place to land, a place where he will always feel comforted and happy to come home to do. The place I returned to after my little non-verbal chat with Heavenly Father about all this change business. It's a nice place to be.