Now We're Really Regretting ...

... that we missed the Living Nativity at the Provo Tabernacle this year. We were counting on them holding a Sunday night performance like they used to, but when we pulled up, the scenery was already taken down, so no dice. I was disappointed that we didn't get to take Eliot to experience his first live nativity -- he would have loved the live animals, even if he would have had to brave the cold to see them. The Provo one was especially meaningful to us because Grant and I got to depict Joseph and Mary in 2005. Last week the Tabernacle was declared a total loss after this heartbreaking fire broke out in the middle of the night. Farewell to our beloved Tabernacle, that housed so many warm memories for us during our first married years. How I wish we had been able to attend the nativity one last time ... so sad.

Worth Repeating

I posted this last year, though I've noticed it has undergone some changes since then. I love the music and message just as much, maybe even more, as I did then. Have a merry, Christ-centered Christmas. May His Spirit and the beautiful music and meaning of this season fill you with joy, hope, and peace.

This Holiday Season, I'm Looking Forward to ...

• Being HOME for the entire Christmas season. I get to decorate my home and enjoy it the entire month of December! It has been wonderful of my gracious in-laws to host us for the past few years, and a part of me will miss being in "vacation mode" (you mean I don't get to ditch my calling and housework responsibilities for a month?!), but, "there's no place like home for the holidays." We're looking forward to forming some of our own traditions as a little family. Plus (yahoo!) no cleaning out our fridge, no packing a month's worth of clothes (and praying we don't go over the weight limit), no stressful holiday travel, no worries of coming back to frozen pipes, mold, etc. ... just staying cozy at home! I feel so relaxed already!
• Breaking out all my favorite Christmas music ... Amy Grant, John Denver, James Taylor, Peter Breinholt, Kurt Bestor, the Tabernacle Choir, random mixes from over the years ... can't wait!
• Watching It's a Wonderful Life, Elf, White Christmas, Home Alone, Miracle on 34th Street (Dylan McDermott version, please), and The Muppet's Christmas Carol.
• Going to one of our favorite local performances-- Peter Breinholt in SLC with my family.
• Getting to use our "Cocoa Latte" machine to have Stephen's Mint Cocoa and the Cannery's super-rich hot chocolate ... nummers!
• Making all the goodies I grew up making with my mom and pawning them off on neighbors and friends! Thumbprint cookies (with my own special touch of Marionberry jam in the middle), Wedding Cookies, Snickerdoodles, and fudge, if Lil will let me help her make it.
• Taking Eliot on a surprise excursion on the "Polar Express" on the Heber Valley Railroad. Grant and I went when I was expecting Eliot, and I have dreamed of taking him ever since. I don't know who will be more excited ... Eliot, or his mom and dad!
• Receiving Christmas cards in the mail from friends and family.
• Going to the Living Nativity at the Provo Tabernacle, and hopefully running into friends from our former stake in Provo, who host the event.
• Walking around to see the lights on Temple Square, even if it's fa-reezing!! (I think I've become acclimatized to mild Oregon winters!)

Officially Geeks

Please don't judge me, but Grant and I went to a midnight showing of Harry Potter 7 the night it came out. We started listening to the audio books back in March as a road trip diversion, and I got hooked (nope, this English major/secondary ed teacher had never read Harry Potter before!). I finished book 7 the day of the movie, and, as geeky as it may make us, we were SO excited to see the movie! Grant got free tickets from a radio station, my sister-in-law came and stayed the night with Eliot, and we, along with all the college kids and other Harry Potter "freaks," waited in line for hours. We may or may not have felt a wee bit out of place, seeing as we weren't in full-fledged costumes (I did bring a pair of oversized glasses and forced Grant to take pictures), and we were among some of the only parents there without children. A little silly, but worth it. We loved the flick, even with the unnecessary and "controversial" scenes (wow, Utah can blow things out of proportion ... the added scenes were laughably lame). The miracle of it all, considering I usually fall asleep on anything we watch at home, even if we start it early, was that I stayed awake for the entire thing (might have had something to do with the giant Coke I drank). I'm just glad I have a husband that doesn't mind being a nerd with me ...

Here's what I learned from my first-ever midnight showing experience:

• Bring food -- pizza, snacks, whatever. Even if you ate dinner and plan on getting popcorn and drinks to stay awake, it will be torture smelling everyone else's food and not having something of your own to munch on.
• Bring more than one card game.
• Tell the single guy who asks if he can sit in the lone empty seat at the end of your row that it's actually taken, even if it's not. His commentary throughout the entire show will sour your experience that you stayed up all night for.
• Don't go for the popcorn refill, as tasty as that first one was. The rumbling in your tummy in the wee hours of the morning when the movie lets out just won't be worth it.
• Be prepared for lots of movie-goers in costumes, many of which you will not recognize from the books or understand. Just go with it.
• The catnap in line worked like a charm. Next time, though, bring a more comfy purse to use as your pillow.

Counting Blessings

Over the past couple weeks, I have received bad news after bad news from dear people in my life. Really seriously sad things happening to people I love dearly. Heartbreaking things like one of my best friends losing her mother unexpectedly, running into a good friend from my home ward and learning that his wife suffers from a chronic illness that keeps them from having children, and, most recently, finding out that my brother-in-law lost his only brother this week. One of the hardest of all for me to take was learning that one of my mission companions lost her four-year-old son this past July in a tragic accident. I have been shocked and devastated to receive each of these pieces of news. And as much as I wish I could, I just don't have anything to offer these dear people in my life in terms of comfort. I'm mostly just so sad for them all.

Receiving all of this news all at once has kind of stunned me and opened my eyes to how much suffering is happening all around me, that good people are not immune to tragedy. I ache to love and comfort and yet know that each of these individuals has to pass through these trials in their own private way. It's part of our mortal journey, I know that. But it pains me to think of the quiet hours of anguish and sorrow that my family members and friends must endure.

As I have thought particularly about my sweet mission companion losing her little boy, my mind has taken me down the surreal road of how it would feel to lose Eliot, how I would possibly cope, trying to imagine all that my friend has been experiencing these past few months. One afternoon as I was contemplating each of these recent tragedies, I felt humbled to realize how much sorrow I have been spared in my life. Sure, I have had my own difficulties, and my life is far from perfect. My own family has experienced our own source of grief and agony, but nothing in comparison to what I see happening currently in the lives of those I love. Who's to say what will tomorrow will bring for me and my family -- I'm realizing, as I see observe these sorrows as an outsider, that things can change so quickly, that life can change in an instant. So for now, I humbly and gratefully recognize how merciful the Lord has been to me. Maybe because He knows what a wuss I am and that I could not bear any of those particular sorrows.

So what do I do for my suffering loved ones, besides try to express love and sympathy, to provide a listening ear or whatever service I might render? I'm not sure what to do. The injunction to "bear one another's burdens, that they may be light," has run through my mind over and over again lately, but I'm not quite sure how to best do that given the magnitude of these losses. I welcome your suggestions of what has helped you most in your own moments of loss or grief. For today, I am at least counting my blessings. Glad for each day that passes that we're together, healthy, employed, fed, housed -- all of the things that I probably take for granted far too often. Grateful for the gospel that provides hope and perspective, and hoping and praying that my faith would and will sustain me through the challenges of my own mortal experience.

Among my blessings, I am counting my knowledge of this great truth: "And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold, I say unto you that he shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise" (Moroni 7:41).

Happy Fall (Now that it's pretty much over...)!

A few weeks ago, the weather was gorgeous and sunny, and knowing that according to the forecast, it wasn't going to last much longer (and it didn't -- it's now COLD and snowy in Utah ... I'm so not ready for this!), we knew we needed to take advantage and get out for our family fall picnic. So we grabbed our "finger-lickin' good" meal to-go and headed for the canyon. The leaves were pretty much done with changing color by that point, and most were on the ground, but we were able to get a few pretty shots and had a wonderful time together.

After dinner, the leaves were just too tempting, so we had to

make some piles and jump in them ...

And of course, throw them at each other!

Eliot had a great time in the leaves. His favorite part was building "dinosaur nests," aka leaf piles (we're just a little into "Dinosaur Train" around here these days ...).

We walked (or in Eliot's case, rode) the path to Bridal Veil Falls,

And enjoyed the beautiful scenery of Provo Canyon.

And naturally, if there are rocks and water, throwing has to be involved!

Goodbye for now, Fall fun ... we'll do it again next year!

"This is IT. This is EVERYTHING."

I have had some beautiful experiences in my life recently that have gotten me thinking about what matters most. About a month ago, Grant and I attended one of the sweetest events we've ever been to -- the sealing of a beautiful family in the Provo temple. We met Jesus and Evelyn and their sweet baby, Jasmine, a couple summers ago when we were called to teach the Gospel Principles class in Grant's parents' ward. Among our class members was that beautiful couple, who had been baptized right before we had returned to Utah for the summer. Teaching Jesus and Evelyn was like teaching on my mission all over again. They had such a sincere thirst for the gospel and were so excited to learn all of the simple truths we taught in that class. It was such a joy to share our testimonies with them and to see the light in their eyes as they were re-introduced to the beautiful teachings of our Heavenly Father's plan.

Grant and I could not have been more delighted to be called this past summer to teach the Temple Preparation course to a few couples in Grant's parents' ward, among them, Jesus and Evelyn. By then, little Jasmine was in Nursery with Eliot, and Jesus and Evelyn were just as thirsty as ever to learn more gospel truths and prepare to be sealed as a family in the temple. Our only disappointment was that we moved before we had taught Jesus and Evelyn all of the lessons; we wish we could have seen them through the entire course. It was such a privilege and joy to teach them and to be taught by them. It was humbling to witness their enthusiasm for their first temple experience and the covenants they would soon make; it made me want to not take for granted those same blessings in my own life.

Just a day or so after we had been to the temple for Grant's sister's sealing, I received a text message from Evelyn, inviting us to attend their family's sealing. I was so thrilled for the opportunity, and it was one of the choicest opportunities I have ever had. There is nothing quite like seeing a couple sealed to one another and then to have the doors open and see their little one, dressed like an angel in perfect white, brought to them to be sealed to them. Sweet Jasmine had fallen asleep in the temple worker's arms. It was a heavenly opportunity to witness that beautiful family sealed. We learned that day that Evelyn is expecting their second child, who, by virtue of the covenants they made, will be automatically sealed to them. As Grant and I walked, more like floated, from the temple that day, I said, "I don't think it gets any better than that."

Though a much different experience, today was also a sacred occasion for me. I attended the funeral of the mother of one of my best friends. My dear friend Melissa and I have been close friends since Junior High. She is a loyal, kind, non-judgmental, faithful, funny, and good-natured friend. She's the kind of friend that I can go years without seeing, and yet when we're back together, it's like we were never apart. I love her dearly and count my friendship with Missy as one of the great blessings of my teenage years; I know that my life and the choices I have made were very much influenced by having good friends like her. She has always been a quiet, righteous example in my life. Though I didn't have a close personal relationship with Melissa's mother, I always admired her quiet, gentle manner. I knew, as my own mother put it so beautifully this week, "Girls like Melissa don't just happen. They're raised by good mothers."

And Missy's mom was certainly a good mother. She was more than good. She was, as her obituary and the beautiful memorial service held in her honor attested, an "outstanding, wonderful, wise mother." One of her daughters gave this lovely tribute: "Mothering was her talent; it was her gift." As I listened to many more similar tributes, I felt over and over again that Melissa's mother was a heart-and-soul mother, a faithful member of the Church who gave quietly and willingly all her life. She was humble, kind, charitable, full of faith. As her wonderful Stake President and my former seminary teacher bore witness, she "understood what it meant to be a woman, and she became that." As sorrowful as I am for my dear friend and the unexpected loss of her mother, I could not help but walk away from today's funeral feeling enlightened, uplifted, empowered. Through the righteous example of that faithful family, who stand as a monument to the influence of a righteous woman, I felt blessed to move forward with faith and courage in my own role as wife and mother. I determined there is little, if anything, that matters more than how I fulfill my role as a wife and mother. I desire to be more like sweet Melissa's mother, a quiet, unassuming, yet strong and faithful woman, who can influence so many through the little things -- home-cooked meals; diligent Family Home Evening, scripture study, and prayer; informal teaching moments; withholding judgment and criticism; loving patiently, calmly, wisely, fully. Because that all makes a difference. We live in a world that seriously undermines and undervalues motherhood, which makes it sometimes all too easy to forget how incredibly important it is.

Which is the underlying message of what I have been feeling in my heart these past few weeks -- how much these things truly matter. How much it matters to be sealed in the temple for time and eternity. How much being a faithful, devoted, kind and caring mother matters. In the words of my awesome missionary cousin Amanda, "This is IT. This is EVERYTHING." In the quiet and sacred moments of the past month, I have felt profound promptings in my soul that these things are it -- they are everything. And at the heart of everything that matters lies "the Way, the Truth, and the Life." Only because of Jesus Christ and His infinite Atonement is any of it possible. Only because of Him are families eternal; it is His priesthood power that binds us, it is the power wrought by His Resurrection that we too may live again and be restored with our loved ones. It is through Him that I have any chance of overcoming my weaknesses and becoming the mother I desire to be. It is only through Him that we can be given the strength necessary to keep our families intact in these trying times.

Next Sunday, my sweet Primary children will perform their sacrament meeting presentation. They, with the help of a very capable counselor and wonderful teachers, have prepared beautifully. My favorite part of the program is the brand new song they learned for this year's theme. It is called "I Know That My Savior Loves Me." I can't sing it or hear it sung without tearing up. It is so beautiful. The first verse is my favorite:

A long time ago in a beautiful place,

Children were gathered 'round Jesus.

He blessed and taught as they felt of His love.

Each saw the tears on His face.

The love that He felt for His little ones,

I know He feels for me.
I did not touch Him or sit on His knee,

Yet, Jesus is real to me.

Now I am here in a beautiful place,

Learning the teachings of Jesus.

Parents and teachers will help guide the way,

Lighting my path every day.

Wrapped in the arms of my Savior's love,

I feel His gentle touch.

Living each day, I will follow His way,

Home to my Father above.

I know He lives!

I will follow faithfully,

My heart I give to Him,

I know that my Savior loves me.

I do know that my Savior loves me, and, just as the Primary children sing so sweetly, "Jesus is real to me." And that knowledge is IT. It is EVERYTHING.

Melissa & Justin's Wedding

Grant's sister Melissa married her sweetheart, Justin, on October 14th in the Draper, Utah, temple. It was a beautiful day for a wedding!

Eliot and cousin Cole with the happy couple. Eliot's weird facial expression? Working on a fruit snack stuck in his teeth, of course.

My handsome boys at the reception. The reception center, the clubhouse at the Sleepy Ridge golf course in Orem, was so pretty!

Me with my handsome little devil before the reception.

My favorite memories of the day:

• The sealing was simple and beautiful and reminded me of my own. In lieu of marriage advice, the sealer walked the couple through the covenants they were about to make. I know I appreciated the repetition on my wedding day, since I may or may not have been in La la land!
• Seeing my sister-in-law so perfectly happy. She just glowed and grinned the whole day.
• Eliot as a dance machine out on the dance floor. He could not help himself when a song with a heavy beat came on! Great fun.
• Hearing both Eliot and his cousin Mikey bust out with "All the single ladies ..." over and over again for days after the wedding after hearing it for maybe 30 seconds before the bouquet toss. Awesome. Grant hates it.
• Getting my hair done (the cute girl who cut my hair that week offered to style it for me the morning of). It was fun to get fancied up -- I haven't felt that pretty for a long time (day-to-day mommy wear isn't that glamorous, I guess!).
• The chocolate bread pudding with caramel sauce. Normally not a bread pudding fan. But how can you go wrong with anything ooey gooey chocolate and caramel?! Amazing!

Mr. Official

Grant's officially an attorney now! He was sworn in Wednesday, October 13th. It was kind of a whirlwind day that got tainted by a stressful little moment when Grant thought he had lost his debit card. He didn't even get to enjoy the reception after the swearing in ceremony because he was frantically searching for his card ... bummer. But, stressful or not, Grant took his oath with a couple hundred other new attorneys and is now official! We're so excited for him now that he has officially jumped through his final law school "hoop," and he can just go do his job that he loves!

Grant's Swearing In Ceremony for the Utah State Bar

Salt Palace, Salt Lake City, Utah, Oct. 13, 2010

Left: My best attempt at a zoomed in, low-flash picture of Grant taking his oath. If you look closely enough, you can see his arm raised and you can even admire his spiffy cuff links. Lookin' sharp, Babe! Right: Nice of Grant's Aunt Debbie and I to wear matching attire for the ceremony (and nice of us to both close our eyes for the picture!). It was really fun that Grant's swearing in was the day before his sister's wedding because so many family members were able to attend.

The Saturday before he was sworn in, I threw Grant a "Bar Party" as a surprise. I linked it with a McEuen family book club to help cover my secret plans. And it worked! He was totally surprised when his family, not just mine, started showing up. Our "Bar party" was complete with a potato and salad "bar," cookie "bars" for dessert, an open "bar" of Italian soda fixings, for which Grant got to play "bar" tender, which he loves (he makes a mean pomegranate colada!), mini candy "bars" donning special wrappers with Grant's picture on them, and a very funny "mock trial" that my dad, who is also an attorney, helped me put together for our after-dinner entertainment. It was very creative and very funny. We even had an old-school English Barrister-style robe and wig for my dad, the honorable "Judge McEuen," and a prisoner costume for Eliot. Grant took the roasting in stride (the gist of the skit was that Grant was on trial for impersonating a lawyer). It was fun to actually surprise him for once. I must not be very good at surprises, or Grant might be a really good snoop, because I can never pull off a surprise with him. Happy to say I got him this time!

My dad with "little prisoner" Eliot.

Good thing he had his daddy to rise to his defense!

Judge McEuen reading his sentence while our convict tries to make an escape!

Left: Eliot, "Peppy" (what Eliot calls my dad) and Grant after the roast.

Right: one of the candy bar wrappers honoring Grant.

We are now looking forward to sliding into the background and becoming boring -- seriously! I can't wait for the day (sooner than later, I hope), when people ask me what's new and to have absolutely nothing to tell them. As exciting as this past year has been -- all good things that we're certainly not complaining about -- we are ready for life to slow down and settle into a normal little routine. Hopefully Grant's swearing in was our last big "hoorah" for our family for a while! Here's to being boring.

My Friend Laura ...

... was in town from Oregon last weekend to see her sister off to Europe, and she and Steph took time out of their busy travel schedule to have lunch with me and Eliot! It was wonderful to see her and hear her cute voice and contagious laugh in person. Laura is one of the most dynamic, energetic, and creative people I know, and one of many great women I miss so much from Oregon.

Laura has an amazing knack for drawing out Eliot's best smiles, as you might have noticed in our family pictures she took ... she's a gifted photographer (p.s. these are her photos), no doubt about it! Love you Laura!

On the Docket this Month ...

Autumn is finally in the air. A few days into October, temperatures started to drop beneath summertime temperatures here in Utah, and it finally started to feel like Fall. We drove the Alpine Loop between sessions of General Conference to see the fall leaves (they were pretty faded by then ... bummer), there's a pumpkin spice candle warming in my kitchen, potato-cheese soup is on the menu this week, and I may have to even break out a jacket for the first time in months. I love autumn. I love decorating my house in warm colors, making pots of soup to enjoy at night, turning my wheat bread into the yummy pumpkin-pecan version (which makes the best French toast, if I do say so myself). It's such a cozy time of year, and I loved the dramatic rain storm we had this morning that cooled off our house and made for a quiet morning inside of folding laundry and letting Eliot play with toys we haven't gotten out for a while because we've been too busy outside.

This month I look forward to:

• Going on our family fall picnic (this time up the canyon instead of at the Riverfont Park in Salem). The one time of year we indulge in KFC. :)

• Making pumpkin chocolate chip cookies to serve at the very first McEuen family book club, for which I get to play hostess.

• Cheering on Grant as he gets sworn in as an attorney on October 13th! Yahoo!

• Attending Grant's sister Melissa's wedding to her sweetheart, Justin, in the stunningly beautiful Draper temple. The only thing I'm nervous about ... playing the piano at the reception! Better get practicing ... eek!

• Seeing Eliot in his complete Buzz Lightyear costume -- jet pack, space wings and all. He is THRILLED to dress up. Wait 'til I tell him he gets to go collect candy in it!

• Carving pumpkins, which Grant enjoys "just a little bit" (his family is obsessed with Halloween). Can't wait to see what his masterpiece will be this year!

• Watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," "Monsters Inc.," and "Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix" (We're almost done listening to all of the audio books in preparation for the newest movie coming out in November, and we've been watching each movie as we finish the book -- great timing to be wrapping up right before Halloween!)

• Wearing sweaters and jackets. The summer wardrobe's getting kind of old ... and I'm getting a little flabby since putting running on the back burner. Time to hide in baggy sweatshirts and forgiving sweaters!

• Trying out the fireplaces in our new place ... what could be cozier?

• Having my first slice of pumpkin pie of the season ... I'll take the cheap grocery-store version, please (I really do like it better than homemade ... I know, I'm weird). Oo, and pumpkin cheesecake too (thank heavens for the sweaters and sweatshirts!).

• Making a trip to a local pumpkin patch for a hayride and other fall festivities ... can anyone recommend a good one? We're thinking we'll try the Thanksgiving Point "Barnyard Boo," but I'm worried it will be super crowded. Please let me know if there's something a little more low key ...

• Serving my mom's deliciously simple potato-cheese-soup for Halloween in the darling pumpkin bread bowls they sell at Macey's.

• Surviving our first Primary Program practice ... also on Halloween. Not sure how that's going to go down with the kids all jacked up on sugar from the night before ... help! Again, please send suggestions my way!

• Potty training Eliot. It's just time. The weather's keeping us in anyway, I'm tired of dealing with really stinky diapers, Eliot has shown some definite signs of readiness -- now we just have to buckle down and tackle the dirty deed once and for all. A very scary month indeed! :) Tips or tricks also welcome on this one ...

Happy Fall, everyone!

Perfectly Ordinary

My sister sent this video to me with perfect timing. I had just had one of "those weeks." You know the kind. The constant power struggles with your toddler when you feel completely powerless, even though you're the adult. The kind of week when even though I knew Eliot didn't understand what he was doing when he balled up a fist and hit me or told me, "I'm tired of you, Mom," it drove me to tears nonetheless. A week of Eliot not sleeping at night, each time he awoke causing me to struggle for an hour or so to fall back asleep because of the whirlwind of worries about him and our power struggles, along with my Primary to-do list, etc., doing mental gymnastics in my head. And then came the little doubts creeping in to my mind, the ones that always seem to catch me off guard. The thoughts of wondering what I'm doing, what kind of mom am I anyway, feelings of guilt at the time I have had to spend away in meetings and obligations for my calling. The wishing for "the good old days" of working, which always seems to come around General Conference, when I reflect on the exciting flurry of activity happening at Church Magazines. At the end of the week, I felt a twinge of embarrassment when a friend asked me about our summer and what we did, and I didn't have much to tell her. For as intense and crazy as it felt getting Grant through the Bar, I sure didn't accomplish much. We went to the park and the pool, and that's how we survived. I had to give myself credit for training for my fist 1/2 marathon, but that's about all I could claim. No projects accomplished, no fun trips or new hobbies or skills learned. I just hid out and survived. Our week ended with a tearful meltdown on my part, the declaration that I'd "had it," all of which got solved, momentarily at least, by Grant taking Eliot with him to run an errand. Not our best week.

I know I'm not alone in those weeks. Every mom has them. Raising children is difficult. And though in our hearts we know as mothers that our work is a fulfilling, joyous one, there are a lot of days and monotonous activities about our work that don't feel so fulfilling or joyous. It is in those moments that it's so important to focus in on the small and simple things that make it worth it. The things that we won't have forever. I was grateful for the reminder in this video that childhood is fleeting, and that as much as I wish the temper tantrums, sleepless nights, and power struggles will come to an end, I dread the fact that my little boy will grow up, that one day he will stop being willing to give me kisses or hold my hand, that one day he'll be a teenager and the voluntary and spontaneous declarations of "I love you, Mommy" will probably get replaced with the hurtful and inconsiderate things that adolescents sometimes say. So this week I'm trying to take the struggles and the mundane daily tasks in stride, and focus less on them, and more on the things that are "perfectly ordinary" about my life.

Here are some of "perfectly ordinary" things I currently enjoy in my life:
1. Eliot's joy in discovering Diego at the bottom of his cereal bowl as he finishes breakfast. Diego's always there, but it's a blissful new discovery every time.
2. Splitting a banana, apple, or granola bar with my little buddy. Sometimes I wonder if I'll always break things in two ...
3. Answering the question, "what's/who's that?" a zillion times a day.
4. Hearing Eliot identify letters on any and everything as we grocery shop, drive in the car, etc.
5. The way a three-sentence prayer can melt my heart.
6. Making Eliot's day by allowing him to get a new video at the library or letting him watch his favorite "Superwhy" episode for the umpteenth time.
7. Snuggling in the rocking chair and reading (usually the same story over and over) before nap and bedtime.
8. The adorable "hello?" response when I knock on Eliot's door to get him after nap/bedtime.
9. The questions, "Are you going to stay with me?" "Would you like to play with me?" "Will you read it to me?"
10. Declarations like, "I love you, Mommy," or my recent favorite, "I'm going to take care of you, Mom."
11. Washing and ironing small little clothes.
12. The smell of Johnson's baby wash after a fresh bath.
13. Walks to the park and the joy of seeing pumpkins in a field, a helicopter or plane in the sky, or a doggy behind a fence.
14. Hi fives and fist bumps for completed puzzles, toys cleaned up, a caught ball, or successful big wheel ride.
15. Running errands and getting a special treat with my best little friend, and the surprisingly lonely and empty feeling when I enjoy the novelty of going alone. Who am I supposed to talk to?
16. Knowing that I know just how Eliot likes his sandwich, how to get him to eat his veggies, how to read his stories to him with all the right voices, the correct order of his bedtime routine ...
17. The pure delight a Halloween costume arriving in the mail, a new pair of shoes, a bowl of ice cream, or a smiley face drawn on a receipt at Costco can bring.
18. Seeing my son's face a little bit of his daddy, his Grandpa, his Nanny, and even myself.
19. Hearing Eliot repeat phrases of a verse of scripture.
20. Being absolutely thrilled the first time your child goes pee or poop in the potty. :) Sorry, that had to be thrown in!
21. Grant patiently showing Eliot how to dry dishes after dinner, and how much Eliot looks forward to helping his daddy.
22. The "pure boy" elements of Eliot that come out, especially when he's around other boys or men -- his natural instincts to wrestle, want to fix things with tools, or throw ... anything.
23. That infectious giggle. If there's a more heavenly sound, I don't know what it is.
24. Cooking together, playing cars together, making play dough creations, sticker pictures, trying to figure out how to teach things "left handed" so Eliot can do them ...
25. Eliot's pure faith that a kiss on an owie or just having Mommy hold or hug him will make it all better. If only it always could ...

What is "perfectly ordinary" about your life right now?

In the midst of my yucky week, I found a short, one-page journal entry that I had written last month, titled "My feelings about Eliot and motherhood." The final paragraph said this: "I love being a mother. It is hard, repetitive, often thankless work, but it is very rewarding. I enjoy the simple things -- going for walks and to the park, quiet time at home, reading together. This summer I enjoyed time at the pool with Eliot and hosting play school classes for him and Mikey (his cousin). I am doing what I've always wanted to do, and what I most want to do now. I am happy and so grateful for the blessing of being a mom."

Have a "perfectly ordinary" week.

I "HEART" Primary!

I really think I may end up creating a regular feature on my blog called "Primary Moment of the Week." Oh, but that would require me to blog regularly ... hmm. (I know, I know, I need to get pictures up of our new place ... it's in the works -- promise!). But back to my point. In my first few weeks in Primary, I have decided it's the funnest place to be at church. I've been in some pretty fun Relief Societies before (remember my presidency that wore rock-star costumes and wigs? ... no, not at Church), but you cannot beat the spontaneity and unpredictable nature of Primary. Here are a few gems we've experienced over the past few weeks.

1. Our first week observing as the old presidency was still in charge, my new presidency and I giggled as an 8 or 9-year-old boy found his way into Primary with his eyes completely closed. We think he was inspired by a testimony in Sacrament Meeting by a sister in our ward who is blind. He wasn't being rude or mocking, just curious in such an innocent way. Made it all the way to his seat without any bumps or bruises. Impressive.

2. In response to a question in a Sharing Time about keeping the commandments, one earnest little girl shoots her hands in the air, dying to answer the question, and proclaims, "My cat had kittens!" We get stuff like this all the time. I think by the time I'm done with this calling, I'm going to be the master of conversation segways.

3. Our chorister has the funniest commentary of what's going on. Even if the kids don't think she's funny, the adults can't help but giggle. For instance, in trying to get the Sunbeams' attention during singing time, I had to refrain from laughing out loud when she muttered, "Oh, apparently George just told Maddy something shocking!" And it worked like a charm -- wide-eyed Maddy and adorable little George looked front and center upon hearing their names, and we were good to go. I'm eager to gather my own repertoire of getting children's attention, since most days I can't even get Eliot's.

I think I'm really going to like this calling. It is positively hilarious. Chaotic at times, yes, but for the most part, just sweet, innocent humor all around. I am, however, beginning to understand the promise of a Primary President to a parent I once overheard in a hallway: "Don't worry, what happens in Primary, stays in Primary."

Well, some random moments may also appear on this blog, but I promise to keep all identities protected. All of the sudden I feel like I have 50 more kids to tell funny stories about. Any Primary moments of the week you'd like to share?

D. Grant Dickinson, Attorney at Law ...

... has a nice ring to it, don't you think? We found out this morning that Grant PASSED the Bar!!

And suddenly the world is a happier, lot less stressful place! I'm so proud of Grant and happy that we are honestly, truly, 100% DONE with law school, exams, hoop jumping (well, there are probably hoops to be found elsewhere, I'm sure), etc.

The best part was that we got to find out his results together, at home, in our jammies Saturday morning, almost as a surprise because we thought when results didn't come out Friday that we'd have to wait until Monday. Imagine in your minds Grant and Monica shakily looking up Grant's "magic number," seeing the word "pass" next to it, and the screaming, jumping, hugging that ensued. Eliot, who had been watching Saturday morning cartoons, was thankfully excited, too, (he can get scared by unexpected loud noise, which our hooplah definitely was), and was happy to join in on the jumping and screaming. Happy day for our family.

WHEW!!! It feels good, I'm not gonna lie. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and well wishes. Your support played a big role in Grant's success. Now to find a "power suit" for our newest attorney, get sworn in next month, and then off to Grant's dream job. Way to go, Love. You achieved your dreams. I am SO unbelievably proud of you.

Upside Down

The past few weeks have been nuts. We enjoyed a couple blissful weeks between feeling like we were in boxed-up mayhem and when we started to feel settled -- so peaceful, relaxing, so wonderful after a summer of Bar prep and living in borrowed quarters. Ah, to have had those last for just another week or two ...

I was notified a week ago and was sustained today as our new ward's Primary President. Nope, you didn't misread it. I'm the Primary President of the ward I have attended a total of 3 times. I had attended it once before I was called and spent most of that day in Nursery with Eliot.

There is much to say about this highly spiritual and yet so totally wacky experience, but I don't think I have words right now. My head is spinning, my world is upside down, I'm back and forth between headaches and stomach aches. And yet so peaceful under all of it. This past week I submitted names for counselors and a secretary I didn't really know at all, two of whom I'd never met. Hopefully we'll make fast friends. :)

I've never had a Primary calling before. Never. Never led the music, never taught a class. Subbed once and never got asked to do it again. :) So this is new. Shocking. Crazy. But also open-ended and fun and, in the words of my counselors, "exciting" (I don't know if I feel like it's "exciting" yet, but hopefully I'll feel that way soon!).

There is so much I'm anxious about, terrified by, and intimidated by, but I'll work through those. There is also so much to look forward to. Getting to work with pure and sweet children. Getting thrown right into the trenches of a great new ward and being forced to get out of my comfort zone and meet a lot of people fast. Getting to learn from these great women I've been impressed to choose to serve with me. Getting to learn all about Primary and focus in on the basics of the gospel in its purest and simplest sense. Getting to sing and play games and listen to silly outbursts and hear testimony from pure little angel children. It's going to be amazing, if I can keep myself getting bogged down by what my boss at the MTC used to call "adminisTRIVIA." So that's my goal -- minimize the trivial, focus on individuals and bringing the children to the Savior.

If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm busy getting a photo roster together, preparing a "getting to know me" letter for the primary kids and parents so they have some clue who the new lady is, etc. We've got orientations and meetings to dive into, a primary program to assemble from scratch ... oh, so much I don't want to even think about all of it right now ...

I promise to get pictures up of our new place soon. I love it. It's my haven. And it's coming together. Storage rooms are my new favorite thing (no lie).

Better go get my new show on the road. I saw an e-mail I had sent out a few weeks ago to friends and family in which I mentioned that we were excited to be moving into a "calmer and quieter phase of life." So much for calmer and quieter! Don't you love how the Lord never lets us get too comfortable?! Never a dull moment ... someday I'd like to have a dull moment or two. :)

My Life Is Happier ...

... with Grant around (You'd hope so, huh, since he's my husband and all!). But if there's one thing I've realized after three long years of law school and one LONG summer of Bar preparation, it is that my world is just a lot happier when Grant isn't gone all the time. When he is around consistently, I'm a lot less lonely (obviously!), I laugh more, I'm a nicer mommy, and life is just better. I need him to balance me out, to relieve me from parenting duty when days get long with a three-year-old (and they often do). I need to be able to laugh with him at the end of the day as we watch nonsense television, I need him around to crack me up (and so I can occasionally I crack him up, too). I need his smile, his friendliness, his way of making a dumb, frustrating, or awkward situation not a big deal or maybe even funny.

People talk about their spouse being their "better half," and I have to say, as cheesy as it may sound, Grant truly is mine. He smooths out my rough edges, helps me not take myself too seriously, and reminds me through his patient, quiet example that there are less uptight ways of handling things. He's helping this Type-A girl to relax a little, and I really appreciate that.

After Grant finished the Bar, Eliot and I were able to pick him up. He was amazingly calm and cheerful, but that shouldn't have surprised me -- that's just Grant. With rare exception, he is able to "turn off" the most stressful of days when he comes home and rarely takes out his stress or frustration on his family. After the Bar, we were able to enjoy a few days of heaven at his boss's condo in Park City. It was amazing to physically feel the burden of the "summer of stress" lift from our shoulders as we were able to relax and spend some much needed R&R time together. I loved being able to go grocery shopping with Grant, to go for walks as a family, to cook meals together and have absolutely nothing to do. In the weeks since, it has felt so blissful to have lazy Saturday mornings together, to have Grant's help with chores around the house, to not have to spend weeknights by myself (how is it that simply not having to do bath/bedtime by yourself night after night makes such a difference?). Eliot is back to his normal, happy self, and I wake up smiling these days ... I think a big reason for that is that we have Grant back. Our world is just a better place with him around.

My cousin's wife wrote the sweetest thing on her blog the other day: "so bring on the craziness of juggling school, working, and the bebe. we'll be trading shifts with the little man, and i just hope that in it all there will be pockets of time i will get to share with both of them at the same time. that is a bit of my version of heaven." Isn't Megan golden? And isn't that everyone's version of heaven? Those pockets of time when we have our husbands and children together and we get to spend those blissful moments together, relating to one another, laughing together, loving each other and that precious time that's ours and only ours? I think so.

Enjoy your bits of heaven this week. I will.

A Great Blog for Mommies

A sweet friend of mine, Amy, has created a fantastic blog all about motherhood. She calls it "It's a Momderful Life," and in it she features kid-friendly recipes, uplifting quotes and thoughts about motherhood, ideas of things to do, "mom moments" (what she calls "MOMents") to make you laugh and cry, and other great resources for moms. Amy has one adorable son, Joshua, and is in the process of trying to adopt another child. I met Amy on my mission, and though we never served as companions, she instantly became a kindred spirit. I think she's a pretty amazing gal, and one look at her blog will let you know why I love and admire her so much. I love that she stands for so many things, among them, motherhood. Just looking at her blog gave me small and simple ways to better embrace this season of life that I'm in. Take a look ... it's "momderful!"

Provo River Half Marathon

• Number of miles run: 13.1
• Time taken to run it: 1 hour, 56 minutes, and 4 seconds, with a mile pace time of 8:56. I'll take it!
• Number of songs listened to during my race: 37
• Cost of my trusty Asics running shoes that got me through the race: $53.41
• Race-day attire: $25.00
• Wicking socks: $3.00/pair, and worth every cent
• Gatorade gel packs to keep me fueled: $2.58
• Blisters, callouses and overall nasty looking feet: hard-earned (but still ugly)
• Feeling of accomplishment of training for and completing my first half marathon: priceless

Pre-race, about 4:45 a.m. before leaving to meet the bus.

Running in the final stretch!

Post race, hungry, thirsty, sore, but happy!

Yep, I really did it. I ran my first half marathon!! In a lot of ways it feels really surreal. Maybe because it was so early in the morning (I had to be on a bus at 5:00 a.m. to take me to the starting point, which meant waking up at 4:15 a.m. Forget that the race didn't even start until after 7:00, but that's another story), but it was almost dreamlike how I got up, met the bus, rode up the canyon, waited, waited some more, shivered a lot up the cold canyon, waited a little more, saw the sun come up, finally started, and then ... it was done. Well, after a couple of hours of physical and mental exertion, but really, it came and went so fast in light of the weeks of preparation and anticipation leading up to it.

To summarize how I feel: I feel, above all, SORE, at least at the moment. My Achilles, my ankles, my back, and especially my quads are just aching. Kind of a proud kind of ache, but still, I hurt! Can't wait until I can walk down a flight of stairs like a normal person again. But I also feel very proud of myself. Proud that I finished, proud of my time (which kind of surprised me), proud that I didn't walk or stop, proud that I put my mind to something and did it. Proud that despite my overall laziness this summer as I vegged/hid out while I stressed for poor Bar-preparing Grant, I accomplished something for me. Just for me. Not to prove to anybody else but myself that I could do it. It's a good feeling. It's an empowering feeling. Even if I hurt ... a lot.

Some of the highlights of the race for me really had very little to do with the race/running itself, though I guess that was the means of the experiences I had. I'll try to explain. One of the very best part of the race for me were the little bits of encouragement I received along the way. Grant and Eliot made me very special recorded messages that Grant inserted strategically in my playlist as a surprise for me. So my very first track was a message from my boys wishing me luck on my race, including a stuffed-up Eliot saying "Go, Mom!" (which sounded a little more like "Go, Bob!"). Very sweet. Other messages came at the 1/2 way point, 3/4-way, and just before I finished, and all seemed to come right as I needed a little boost. I don't think anything else could have lifted me up more than hearing my boys rooting me on. Thanks, Grant. That was so thoughtful. More motivating than the fanciest pair of shoes, new iPod, Garmin watch, or anything else you wish you could have bought me.

As for the other little things that touched me. First, starting off in a pack of a couple thousand people, all of different ages, fitness levels, backgrounds, etc., and realizing that everyone there had a different story, motivation, and training experience coming into that race. Just knowing my story, my motivation, and my experience, and realizing that everyone else had their own individual purpose coming into that race was really impressive to me. I found myself almost tearing up as I ran those first few miles as that all sunk in. Everyone was there to do their best, to push themselves, to achieve a goal, and that was humbling to be a part of. Even though I didn't really talk to anyone in the race or necessarily make a new friend that day, I felt connected to those people, if that's not too cheesy to say. Just kind of cool to be a part of a common goal that's such an individual thing to so many people.

Another thing that touched me was seeing family members and friends cheering on their loved ones along the trail. At different points, loved ones took pictures & videos of their runners, held up signs, slapped high fives, and even cheered on the rest of us they didn't know. Along the way I saw signs of encouragement, people biking alongside and cheering on significant others, and even one family that I saw over and over as they moved from one checkpoint to another to root on their runner. Cool. And it was definitely rewarding to reach the finish line and have Grant, his parents, and my little Eliot ringing cowbells and yelling excitedly for me as I finished. Really cool.

The most significant part of my experience happened in the last few miles of the race. At about mile 9 1/2, I started feeling it. My upper legs started locking up on me. My quads just started to ache and I began to experience a dreaded phenomenon known as "lead legs." Suddenly those mile markers seemed like an eternity apart, and negative thoughts started creeping in, which any runner knows is deadly. Though I never panicked or felt like giving up, I did start to wonder and worry what was going to happen. I knew I could finish, but I knew it would be slow-going and possibly painful. It was hot at that point, exhaustion was kicking in, and I just wanted to be done. I needed a boost, and I started mentally praying for help. Ideas would come to mind about how to change my stride or think positively and stay focused. But as I pushed through, my legs only got tighter, and my body got weaker and more and more tired. By miles 11 and 12 I could see that the other runners around me were experiencing similar difficulties, as runners who had kept a strong lead in front of me started dropping off, some holding side stitches, some stopping to walk, some stopping off to the side altogether. I recognized their discouragement and all I could think to do, even though I'm typically a "shy" runner and not prone to do things like this, was to cheer them on and tell them they could make it. As a pair of girls who had passed me more than once pulled off to the side, one hunched over in pain, I told her how close she was and that she could do it. As I passed them, the girl who was bent over gave me a thankful look and started up again. It's not like I was the "strong one" who was feeling great at that point -- I was really just telling her what I myself needed to hear. Another man about Grant's build started walking probably a 1/2 mile from the finish line, and I told him to keep going, that he was almost there. He passed me just before I went in, and I saw him meet his proud wife and daughter soon after.

The significant part to me about that experience was that with each person I cheered on, I felt a surge of energy enter my own body. I physically felt re-energized as I encouraged others along the route. It was incredible. My eyes are welling up with tears as I type about it. It is something I will not soon forget. It was a powerful experience. The parallel of what I was experiencing and the significance of helping each other along in our mortal journey was profound. From the role of having cheerleaders and even strangers who encourage us, from signs along the way to family to welcome us at the finish line, I felt a glimpse of why it's so important to support and love each other in our journey. We all need it. We're all struggling. We all hurt. We're all in a little over our heads. We all have to rely on other sources and higher powers for help. I realized how vitally important it is to help each other along, and made the powerful realization that when we do, we only help ourselves. As we lift each other, we strengthen ourselves. That was something I personally experienced and now know for a fact.

In a book about running that I've been reading recently, the author makes this wise insight: "Some runners feel that the training and racing process contains a microcosm of life's challenges and that through the one they learn about the other." This is absolutely true for me and how I view my own connection with running. I learned so much from training for and running this half marathon. I learned practical things about running and training. I learned more about my body and what works for me and what doesn't. I learned more about my own mental and physical fortitude. I learned more about life's challenges, about myself, about life, about Heavenly Father's plan. A really neat experience that I find myself struggling to put into words.

There are lots of reasons I run. I run to get fit, I run to lose and keep off weight, I run to de-stress, I run to manage depression, I run to problem solve, I run to have time to myself, I run to enjoy the outdoors, I run to challenge myself, I run to see what I'm made of mentally, physically, and emotionally, and I run to learn. There have been so many lessons I've learned while running. About the physical process of running, about myself and my strengths and weaknesses, about the gospel or life as I've had that time to think and analyze. Sometimes I run and just rock out to favorite music, sometimes I pray or meditate almost the entire time. Sometimes all I can think about is how rumbly my stomach feels or how much that darn shoelace or earbud keeps bugging me. Sometimes I just try to keep Eliot content in his stroller so I can put in a short run with him. But often, I do learn. I often joke that I have a love/hate relationship with running. But I think I really do love it, if for nothing else, for what I learn from it and through it. And I definitely learned a lot through this most recent experience.

As Eliot would say, "Go, Bob!"

Trying to Be Where My Feet Are

I LOVE this new painting, "Be Where Your Feet Are," by Cassandra Barney. I have another of Cassie's paintings, "Four Spanish Sisters," that was thoughtfully given to me by my mother-in-law, who happens to live across the street from Cassie. "Four Spanish Sisters" took a while to grow on me -- the style of painting isn't something I would normally choose for myself -- but I love it because it reminds me of Spain and the features of the beautiful women and people there, and it also represents to me the feeling of sisterhood I experienced in Spain with the women I taught and those I served with as a missionary.

This new painting of Cassie's has really captured me because I love its message -- "Be Where Your Feet Are." Cassie explains the painting herself on this great and fun spot about her on Mormon.org. The message to me is simple, yet so profound. To be in the moment you're in and to not dwell on the past or anticipate the future too eagerly. Easier said than done, right?

About a year ago I tried to express a similar thought about not wishing away periods of my life. It's funny that I'm re-learning that lesson now a year later as we enter a "waiting game" period of our life. We'll be waiting for Grant's Bar results for about two months. Those results will determine whether we get to do the Bar again in February or if we get to just be done, really done, and move forward with Grant's career and our new, truly non-student life. Either outcome will be fine. Grant's not committing to whether or not he feels he passed. You just never know. It could swing either way. We're confident he did well. But doing well doesn't always dictate God's will. Sometimes there are other, priceless lessons that come with waiting a bit longer. Sometimes in not getting what we want when we want it, we grow our characters in ways we couldn't have otherwise. So while I'm planning "Bar" celebrations in the back of my mind, I'm also preparing to settle for a different version of our "Plan A" (because remember what else I learned last year, about there being no "Plan B" lives?). Time will tell.

In the meantime, I'm trying to be as Cassie and her beautiful painting suggest, "where my feet are." I'm a 31-year-old woman whose world centers around her loving husband and adorable son and our journey together to be an eternal family. Together, we're a young family blessed to have the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have hopes and dreams, and, at least for the time being, we're fortunate enough to have good health and stable employment, which are blessings in and of themselves. Next week we'll move into a cute town home, which, while it's not "ours" in terms of ownership, feels very much like home. I'm a runner about to challenge myself with my first 1/2 marathon, and that feels good. I'm a writer at heart, and I have this blog as one of my outlets. I'm a sister, daughter, and friend to wonderful people who enrich my life and buoy me up in weak moments. I am about to have more time and space to start scrap booking and working on projects again. I'm about to undertake the terrifying task of potty-training my 3-year-old. We want to welcome a new one to our home sometime in the near future (keep waiting for that announcement ...). I'm ready to move into our own place in a new ward and neighborhood where we can branch out and meet people and serve. I'm excited for what's on the horizon. I'm proud of Grant and all that he will experience in this next year of establishing his career. I love my son and love that, despite our mutual petty frustrations, he finds some small way to melt my heart or crack me up on a daily basis. I love that when he needs comfort or just to know that I'm still around, he comes or calls to me, his mother. I'm a pretty average if not most of the time boring person who has good days and bad, who likes to cook and read, spend time in the sun, eat ice cream while laughing at mindless TV with my husband after we put Eliot down at night. It's not a glamorous life, but it is unfolding in beautiful, simple ways, hiccups and all. I'm lucky enough to be home so I can teach and nurture my son, I'm supporting a kind and caring husband, and I'm finding my own challenges, projects, and interests to add meaning and depth to my life. That's where my feet are. They're in a good place. Not perfect, but good. Waiting's okay because where we are in the meantime is a good place.

Freedom Run 2010

The Freedom Run in Provo is one of my favorite family traditions. The race is crazy -- there are way too many people involved (they estimated about 4,500 runners participated in this year's race), but it's festive and fun and gets me in shape every summer. This year I ran the 10K with my sister Mary as a 1/2-way point to our 1/2 marathon training (I'll be running the Provo River 1/2, and Mary will run the Top of Utah). We had a good time running together, and Mary and her slick GPS watch with built-in pacing/heart rate/calorie/everything-you-could-possibly-need monitor kept us at a decent little pace ... at least until that dreaded uphill last mile. Overall a great run (don't mind my ginormous iPod that decided to poop out on me before we even hit the start line ... bummer).

My favorite part of the race this year was seeing people running in costumes -- my awards for best costumes (sorry, no pictures) would go to the Teenage Mutant Turtles foursome (I now have a new use for foil turkey roaster pans spray-painted green) and the group of Vikings, who literally ran the race, grunting the whole time (maybe they got confused and thought they were cavemen?), in furry loincloths, horned helmets and giant spears. Awesome.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the event:

Me and Mary. Best running buddy ever. The crazy girl is trying to talk me into running the Ragnar with her ... I said I'd think about it. Could be great fun (or it could just be really hard).

I love this picture of Mary. Yes, cheesiness "runs" in our family.

Mary, me, and our cousin Becky. This was Becky's debut 5K, and she rocked it! We love it when more family members join in!

All of my family that participated this year -- Mary and me on the left end, next to Grant's sisters Tori, Melissa, Lisa (yes, they're twins), and Gaylyn, who is holding Eliot, and my cousin Becky.

Random shots -- my race chip (official 10K chip time = 55:34) and Gaylyn with Eliot checking out one of the hot air balloons that landed right near the finish line.