Opting for Growth

Oregonians love their bumper stickers, so it seems. Or at least I notice them here a lot more than I did in Utah. Maybe that's because the messages are of a different sort than the ones adorning bumpers in Utah. In place of the overabundance of "My child is an honor student at such-and-such high school" or "RULDS2?" stickers, Oregonians prefer liberal, politically charged or environmentally friendly messages, or, to be fair, a great deal of stickers promoting Christianity and faith ("It's all about Jesus" is a personal favorite).

So imagine my surprise when one of my life's great epiphanies resulted from reading and thinking about one of these very bumper stickers. I saw the thought-provoking sticker not too long after we moved here, during the time when I was still battling homesickness and making the huge adjustment to not only the move, but also being a first-time mom and a first-year law school student's wife. I felt overwhelmed. I felt new and awkward in just about every setting because everything and everyone was new to me. I felt anxious. I felt lonely. I wanted my old life back -- the life where I knew everyone and I knew places because I'd lived in that area my entire life. I missed the familiarity, the comfort level, the ease.

So what did the sticker say that evoked enough thought that I felt the need to blog about it? Well, right in front of my eyes, waiting for a light to change, there it was, the message I needed to cure my blues: "Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." And right there, at the intersection of Madrona and 12th Street, I felt it. I felt the need to get over my wishing back the past (because it wasn't going to come back) and to move forward. To let all the inevitable changes, and there were many of them, amount to something positive. To let them strengthen my character, open new experiences and opportunities, and maybe, just maybe, even make me a better person. To allow me, as the wise little sticker suggested, to grow.

So now, several months after the fact, I think I can honestly say that I have grown. I've accepted that my life did change -- in big ways. And those changes were hard. They were uncomfortable, stretching, painful, sometimes even heartbreaking. But with those growing pains came wonderful opportunities -- opportunities to swallow my pride and ask for help, particularly from Heavenly Father. My prayers certainly became more personal and more fervent as I worked through those lonely first months. Opportunities to make new friends. I think because of my situation -- being far from home and being an overwhelmed new mom/law school "widow" -- I've formed stronger bonds with people than I have in a long time. And I find it no coincidence that God has placed people who I consider to be angels in my path -- friends who have shown me the ropes, known just when to call or stop by, who have lifted and encouraged, offered to help, or even just performed the simple (yet sweet and thoughtful) act of dropping off ice cream, brownie mix, and DVDs of a favorite TV show on a bad day.

And the list of opportunities goes on and on. Opportunities to reach outside myself and leave my comfort zone. Opportunities to be humble and realize I can't do it all on my own. Opportunities to rediscover my talents and find ways to put them to good use. Opportunities to remember how it feels to be the new girl and go out of my way to make sure that no one else has to feel sad or lonely or out of place. Opportunities after opportunities after opportunities.

Opportunities to grow, which is, by the way, optional (so I read on a bumper sticker anyway).

Have you read this?!?

So my initial take on Life of Pi (when I was about half-way through it) was "fascinating." And it is. But, after finishing it, it is also a lot of other things, among them deep, intriguing, crazy, and, oh, disturbing. It's an amazing book, with obviously a ton of research and quite a bit of thought. The plot twist at the end completely threw me, which left me feeling more than a little naive. So my final analysis is yes, I would recommend it, but only on certain conditions. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone with a queasy stomach or anyone who's feeling especially emotional (so probably no pregant ladies -- maybe that's why I stopped reading it in '06?!). That said, it's the kind of book you want other people to read because you want to talk about it and sort out your feelings about it. I want Grant to read it this summer so we can talk about it. I have a feeling he's going to pick up on how it ends, though. He's a lot less naive than I am, and plus I've told him there's a major plot twist, so he'll be watching for it. It's also the kind of book that you probably need to read more than once, but for now I can't bring myself to do it. So, next read is either one of two things (haven't decided yet) -- a Church book or a lighthearted Young Adult novel. I need to slow down my pulse and read something a little less intense for this next go-around.

I Did It!

So I have a couple of things that I've accomplished over the last couple weeks that I want to give myself a good ol' pat on the back for!

Funny, huh! The ladies in charge of "Waist Management"
give these stickers to anyone in the group who's lost
five or more pounds!

The first is this -- I'm a "Big Loser." Actually, I'm a "Waist Management" success story! Our ward's Relief Society has an amazing Enrichment Activity Group that meets every Thursday night. They call it "Waist Management," and it's a weight loss support group/nutrition class. I think it's SO interesting and so helpful! The ladies in charge are doing a phenomenal job and have made it really fun. They have an optional (and private!) weigh-in before each half-hour class, and then they have a lesson about a variety of topics. We've talked about whole grains, "bad" fats vs. "good" fats, the Word of Wisdom, how to use free weights properly, etc., etc. And they do a drawing every week for prizes that have to do with that week's topic (i.e. a bottle of olive oil or a jar of honey . . . even a set of free weights . . . yeah, I was jealous of that one!).

I've always been pretty interested in learning about health and nutrition, but this class has been that extra boost I've needed to lose those last few pounds that I've been trying to lose, well, for years, honestly. Not that I feel I've needed to lose a ton of weight or anything, but this has been a goal for my own "personal best" that I've had for a long time, and I can honestly say that the weekly class and the weigh in especially have been so crucial to my success. Having that accountability element has been what's motivated me to get out of bed in the mornings to go hit the gym and to stay away from treats and just live and eat better. I don't think I've ever felt so great, and I mostly just feel good about accomplishing something that I've said I was going to do. I've never been so proud to be a big loser! :)

The second accomplishment may not seem like a big deal, but it's a huge step forward for me. I asked for help. In a moment of stress and frustration, I asked a friend for help. Maybe not a big deal to those of you who are better at this (and a lot less prideful!) than I am, but I really, REALLY struggle with asking anyone for help. I somehow have it in my head that I just need to suck it up and get through whatever I'm struggling with alone. I know, how prideful and dumb, not to mention lonely!

So it seems like some of the advice I recently read in Jane Clayson Johnson's book, I Am a Mother, is finally sinking in. In one of the chapters of her book, she debunks some of the existing myths about motherhood, including the myth that "needing help is a sign of weakness." She says this about that myth: "You don't have to be alone as you make your way through motherhood. It's okay to ask for help. In fact, some of the best friendships are developed between mothers who are willing to empathize when sorrow sets in, to listen when you simply need someone to talk to, or to pitch in when things get tough."

How true this is. And how grateful I am for the friendships I am forming by having to rely on others for help. Living away from family has forced me to ask for that help outside of my family, which, for some dumb reason or another, is so, so difficult for me. But I'm learning. And yesterday I made the huge leap of letting someone know that I was struggling, and then, when she graciously offered to help, I let go of my pride and accepted.

So I'm vowing to be better about this. And I think one of the reasons I think I will be better is this: I love being asked by someone else for help. I am so happy to help anyone who needs an extra hand, especially if and when that need is urgent. It makes me feel good to be able to help, and I feel so flattered when someone thinks of me as someone they can call when they need help most. And if I feel that way, then why would I feel like I'm imposing on someone else when I need their help? If it's such a blessing for me to be able to help someone, why would I deny the same blessing to another by refusing to ask for help?

So there ya go. My two self-granted "atta-girls" for the week. I think I mostly want to document these accomplishments because I'm so grateful for them. They've been things that I've had to pray for help on, that I've had to work hard for, and that ultimately, I received strength that was not my own to be able to accomplish.

A Happy Birthday

Feelin' the love.
Cards galore, sweet "pampering" gifts from the ladies in the R.S.
presidency (including Debbie's a-MAZ-ing home-made toffee),
a "par-tay in a package" from my sis Meliss,
a sweet Willow Tree statue from Grant, a "temple" bracelet
from my friend Mary, Cricut supplies from my VT companion . . .
all so thoughtful and generous! Thanks, everyone!

Lately I've started questioning some of my own beliefs. Normally I'm a huge believer in celebrating. I believe in celebrating holidays, accomplishments, and I especially believe in celebrating birthdays. I've never understood people who downplay their birthday and say they'd rather forget about it. Granted, these people generally don't like to be reminded that they're yet another year older, but I've never thought that had to be the focus of a birthday. To me, the focus of someone's birthday is to celebrate that person -- who they are, the life they live, the things they love -- all of which should be celebrated to some degree by gathering together with loved ones, having a special meal, and if nothing else, getting to indulge in some yummy dessert, right?!

Well, then it happened. I started finding them. Little white hairs at the edge of my hairline. I first found one about a year ago when I was expecting Eliot, though my sweet sister Lauren (aka my hairstylist) was quick to point out that she had seen some before then (so no blaming the baby/pregnancy, I guess). And lately, I've been noticing more and more. They're tiny little ones, probably only noticeable to me (I hope!), but that's beside the point. I know they're there. And it's unnerving. I haven't even hit the big 3-0, and I'm getting "old lady" hair!

So now I'm starting to understand all those people who don't like to be reminded about their birthdays. Whether it's a birthday or white hairs, it's not fun to be reminded that you're getting older, that you're not as young as you used to be, or to have your body show signs of its inevitable aging.

Fortunately, however, my sweet husband pulled me back to earth and re-grounded me in my convictions. SO WHAT, he said, if I do find an occasional (or more-than-occasional) white hair?! We're as young as we feel we are, and we still feel like we have a life ahead of us. And, if we're going to keep up with our kids, who, based on Eliot's demeanor so far, are going to be little bundles of energy, we need to keep a "stay young" mindframe.

So, end of story, I DID celebrate my birthday . . . all weekend long, in fact! And I did all those things I said someone should for their birthday -- I "gathered" with loved ones, albeit a lot of those interactions happened by phone and e-mail this year, I had not one but two YUMMY meals (went out on Friday and then Grant cooked one of my favorite dinners for me Sunday), and oh did I indulge in a decadent dessert -- a homemade knock-off of my favorite Olive Garden dessert, the lemon cream cake, which we served with raspberry sorbet -- HEAVEN!!

Thanks to everyone who made my day so special. Thanks for your kindnesses and loving gestures that reminded me that birthdays really are meant to be celebrated.