Project: "Snapshot of a Mother"

I am undertaking a little project. I am going to start documenting my day-to-day life as a mother. I'm going to capture the fun, the creative, the routine, the ordinary, the dirty, the difficult. I'm going to snap pictures of breakfast, nap time routines, piles of laundry, trips to the market and library, blowing bubbles, finding bugs ... why? Because someday, though I may not believe it most days of the week, I'm going to miss this. Yes, I'll be grateful for the pictures of Christmas mornings, birthdays, and other big moments, when everyone's dressed just right and I've outdone myself as a "supermom," and all is right and happy with the world. But what about the everyday moments? The ones we live over and over again? The ones that are my life and my existence and my identity? I think that I'll remember them forever because they're so much a part of who I am and what I do long day in and long day out. But I'm coming to realize this is all so fleeting. My baby, whom I swear I delivered yesterday (didn't I?!), is quickly sneaking up on his one year mark. My first is practically headed off to Kindergarten. So before I blink again and it's gone, I want to capture those moments. The everyday, the sometimes "will they ever end?!" moments. Because for good for bad, yes, they will end. And I want pictures and journal entries to document it. Though it seems so mundane and long and tiring now, it is precious, and it is temporary, and I want to hold on it to is some way, somehow.

Driving this little project are thoughts like these, from people I admire and who have caused me to think on this time as precious and fleeting:

"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction." (Elder M. Russell Ballard, Daughters of God, Ensign, April 2008)

My friend Erica, commenting on the difficulty of raising her children away from family:

"When it is just you caring for your children 91 daytime hours a week, week after week, it becomes easy to lose the freshness, the vision of who they are. Slowly they cease being little spirits I’ve been entrusted with and start feeling like charges I’ve been burdened with. Thankfully, when I get to this point, it often coincides with a vacation to see family, and I begin to see my boys with the freshness that their grandparents see them with." ("How I See My Kids Anew," on Let Why Lead, April 16, 2012)

And this, which has become one of my favorite quotes about motherhood:

"A mother relating to her child in the private intimacy of her home, with no audience but unseen angels, is the predominant influence for all that is good and decent in the world." (George D. Durrant)

And if you have a minute, watch this sweet testimonial from an author who wrote a whole book about the fleeting nature of motherhood.

With those thoughts in mind, this is the first of my "Snapshot of a Mother" entries. It is real, it is untouched. The photos aren't my best, but they are sweet, and with them comes a tender memory of days now gone. I love how I feel when I see these pictures, which is exactly what I hope to capture through this photo journey. You'll forgive me if I don't share all my photos and entries with you. Some along the way may be just mine to keep, but here's the first of those I'll share. When I decided to start this project, I knew that these pictures would be the perfect ones to start things off.

Mornings with Eliot leading up to Zach's birth ...

I'm not sure at what point in my pregnancy with Zachary this little tradition started, but Eliot would come wake his sleeping mama every morning with a book to read. He usually had a blankie and a special snuggle friend in tow, as well (you can see his blue "Snugglebear," his most special friend, in his hand in these photos). I loved those moments when it was just me and my first-born, reading together, laughing, and snuggling in my bed as the sunlight trickled through the window. I asked Grant to take these photos because I wanted to always remember those special final moments when it was just Eliot and me. It was just "Eliot and me" for almost four years before we welcomed another baby into our home, and this little tradition was the perfect way to close that special chapter in my life as a mother. Though I slightly shudder at my appearance in these photos -- with my un-makeuped, double-chinned pregnancy face and "flabby" arms, I LOVE the memories and the feelings they captured.