Perfectly Ordinary

My sister sent this video to me with perfect timing. I had just had one of "those weeks." You know the kind. The constant power struggles with your toddler when you feel completely powerless, even though you're the adult. The kind of week when even though I knew Eliot didn't understand what he was doing when he balled up a fist and hit me or told me, "I'm tired of you, Mom," it drove me to tears nonetheless. A week of Eliot not sleeping at night, each time he awoke causing me to struggle for an hour or so to fall back asleep because of the whirlwind of worries about him and our power struggles, along with my Primary to-do list, etc., doing mental gymnastics in my head. And then came the little doubts creeping in to my mind, the ones that always seem to catch me off guard. The thoughts of wondering what I'm doing, what kind of mom am I anyway, feelings of guilt at the time I have had to spend away in meetings and obligations for my calling. The wishing for "the good old days" of working, which always seems to come around General Conference, when I reflect on the exciting flurry of activity happening at Church Magazines. At the end of the week, I felt a twinge of embarrassment when a friend asked me about our summer and what we did, and I didn't have much to tell her. For as intense and crazy as it felt getting Grant through the Bar, I sure didn't accomplish much. We went to the park and the pool, and that's how we survived. I had to give myself credit for training for my fist 1/2 marathon, but that's about all I could claim. No projects accomplished, no fun trips or new hobbies or skills learned. I just hid out and survived. Our week ended with a tearful meltdown on my part, the declaration that I'd "had it," all of which got solved, momentarily at least, by Grant taking Eliot with him to run an errand. Not our best week.

I know I'm not alone in those weeks. Every mom has them. Raising children is difficult. And though in our hearts we know as mothers that our work is a fulfilling, joyous one, there are a lot of days and monotonous activities about our work that don't feel so fulfilling or joyous. It is in those moments that it's so important to focus in on the small and simple things that make it worth it. The things that we won't have forever. I was grateful for the reminder in this video that childhood is fleeting, and that as much as I wish the temper tantrums, sleepless nights, and power struggles will come to an end, I dread the fact that my little boy will grow up, that one day he will stop being willing to give me kisses or hold my hand, that one day he'll be a teenager and the voluntary and spontaneous declarations of "I love you, Mommy" will probably get replaced with the hurtful and inconsiderate things that adolescents sometimes say. So this week I'm trying to take the struggles and the mundane daily tasks in stride, and focus less on them, and more on the things that are "perfectly ordinary" about my life.

Here are some of "perfectly ordinary" things I currently enjoy in my life:
1. Eliot's joy in discovering Diego at the bottom of his cereal bowl as he finishes breakfast. Diego's always there, but it's a blissful new discovery every time.
2. Splitting a banana, apple, or granola bar with my little buddy. Sometimes I wonder if I'll always break things in two ...
3. Answering the question, "what's/who's that?" a zillion times a day.
4. Hearing Eliot identify letters on any and everything as we grocery shop, drive in the car, etc.
5. The way a three-sentence prayer can melt my heart.
6. Making Eliot's day by allowing him to get a new video at the library or letting him watch his favorite "Superwhy" episode for the umpteenth time.
7. Snuggling in the rocking chair and reading (usually the same story over and over) before nap and bedtime.
8. The adorable "hello?" response when I knock on Eliot's door to get him after nap/bedtime.
9. The questions, "Are you going to stay with me?" "Would you like to play with me?" "Will you read it to me?"
10. Declarations like, "I love you, Mommy," or my recent favorite, "I'm going to take care of you, Mom."
11. Washing and ironing small little clothes.
12. The smell of Johnson's baby wash after a fresh bath.
13. Walks to the park and the joy of seeing pumpkins in a field, a helicopter or plane in the sky, or a doggy behind a fence.
14. Hi fives and fist bumps for completed puzzles, toys cleaned up, a caught ball, or successful big wheel ride.
15. Running errands and getting a special treat with my best little friend, and the surprisingly lonely and empty feeling when I enjoy the novelty of going alone. Who am I supposed to talk to?
16. Knowing that I know just how Eliot likes his sandwich, how to get him to eat his veggies, how to read his stories to him with all the right voices, the correct order of his bedtime routine ...
17. The pure delight a Halloween costume arriving in the mail, a new pair of shoes, a bowl of ice cream, or a smiley face drawn on a receipt at Costco can bring.
18. Seeing my son's face a little bit of his daddy, his Grandpa, his Nanny, and even myself.
19. Hearing Eliot repeat phrases of a verse of scripture.
20. Being absolutely thrilled the first time your child goes pee or poop in the potty. :) Sorry, that had to be thrown in!
21. Grant patiently showing Eliot how to dry dishes after dinner, and how much Eliot looks forward to helping his daddy.
22. The "pure boy" elements of Eliot that come out, especially when he's around other boys or men -- his natural instincts to wrestle, want to fix things with tools, or throw ... anything.
23. That infectious giggle. If there's a more heavenly sound, I don't know what it is.
24. Cooking together, playing cars together, making play dough creations, sticker pictures, trying to figure out how to teach things "left handed" so Eliot can do them ...
25. Eliot's pure faith that a kiss on an owie or just having Mommy hold or hug him will make it all better. If only it always could ...

What is "perfectly ordinary" about your life right now?

In the midst of my yucky week, I found a short, one-page journal entry that I had written last month, titled "My feelings about Eliot and motherhood." The final paragraph said this: "I love being a mother. It is hard, repetitive, often thankless work, but it is very rewarding. I enjoy the simple things -- going for walks and to the park, quiet time at home, reading together. This summer I enjoyed time at the pool with Eliot and hosting play school classes for him and Mikey (his cousin). I am doing what I've always wanted to do, and what I most want to do now. I am happy and so grateful for the blessing of being a mom."

Have a "perfectly ordinary" week.