My New Mantra

When I went away to school at Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho ... guess that dates me, huh), my older sister, Melissa, who had also gone to school at Ricks, gave me this piece of advice: "Don't wish it away, sis. It goes too fast." I never forgot that advice, and, just as my sister had almost predicted I would, I did find myself wishing my college experience away at times. When I encountered midterms or finals, when I was getting my heart broken by the first "RM" I dated, I started to wish it away. But Melissa's advice would come back to my mind, and I'd try to refocus on the good stuff -- the roommates I loved, the FHE brothers who became great friends, the niche I carved out for myself as a "Scrollie" at the college newspaper. That was a great time of my life, but also as Melissa said it would, it went way too fast.

Just like my mission went too fast. Just like my newlywed days and years working at the MTC went too fast. Just like Eliot's short time as a newborn went too fast. And as much as I tried hard not to do it, at some point or another, I found myself wishing away each of those great times of my life.

Probably because those great times were also hard times. Although in hindsight I wonder how life as a carefree college student was ever "hard," but it was, at the time. When looked at compared to life in law school while starting our family, those early college years may seem like a piece of cake, but at the time, that phase had its own difficult moments. Finals were stressful because my I needed good grades to hang on to my scholarship and hopefully earn a scholarship to BYU so I could finish my Bachelor's Degree. And I'm sure even that "RM" breaking my heart was life-shattering at the time. Which is why I probably wished it was "all over with" so I could move on to the next, "easier" phase.

What I'm learning is that the next phase never gets easier. It's likely equally as hard (or harder!), just in a new and different way. So the trick, just like my sister taught me, is to not wish away the phase you're in. To live in the moment gratefully. To know that you're right where you need to be, when you need to be there. To know that, as a good friend recently taught me, God doesn't give consolation prizes, so there are no "plan B" lives. The life I'm living is exactly what God intended for me -- my "plan A" -- so I can be confident and assured that I'm doing what I need to be doing and gaining the experiences that will prepare me for what's next.

If my rambling is leading me to any point, it's this: though it's going to be hard, my goal for this next new year is to not wish it away. It's going to be hard to do. This is Grant's LAST year. His LAST year of law school! We're so close to done we can almost taste it. We can almost envision the career that's on the horizon, see ourselves moving on from student lifestyle (halelujiah), just moving on period. But, we're not there yet. There's still that one year (plus the Bar ... bleh). And within that year is just what I've been talking about. Being right where we're supposed to be when we're supposed to be here. Gaining the experiences that will prepare us for what's next. So, as much as I'd like it "over with," I'm going to try as hard as ever to not wish away this last year. To live in the moment. To focus on the good stuff. Because I'm guessing, as tired as we are of student living and all that comes with it, one of these days I'm going to be looking back on these years, just like I do with my college years, my mission, our newlywed phase, and when Eliot was a newborn, and realize it went way too fast.

And I'll wish it hadn't. So here's to the good stuff that's happening right here, right now. And what is the good stuff? Living in a gorgeous place where I'm an hour drive away from the ocean, and a half an hour drive away from hiking areas with giant, beautiful evergreens and waterfalls. Living in an easygoing town where we have great parks, a wonderful children's museum, fun restaurants, a beautiful campus, not to mention being an hour away from Portland where there are gardens galore, the biggest bookstore I've ever seen, a beautiful riverfront and again, lots of places to explore and discover. Having a great ward and wonderful friends who have become a vital support system to me while I've been away from home and family. Getting to rely wholly on each other as a family and cling to each other's love and support while we're finishing up this intense period of our lives together, and enjoying the increased love and appreciation for each other that has come as a result of pulling together. Having one-on-one time with my Eliot and getting to enjoy him and all that he's learning and experiencing. The simplicity of a minimized budget, schedule, lifestyle.

That's the good stuff I'm not going to wish away this year.