First I have to say that Eliot's birthday was wonderful. We gave him cake (which he only gently mushed), he got spoiled rotten with presents, he played with his new haul of toys, and we all went to bed exhausted from a full day. Pictures and one fun blog entry coming soon. So if Eliot's day was so great, why did I feel sad at the end of it all?
I think what started it was I got my weekly e-mail update from a website that sends me information about Eliot's growth and progress, and until yesterday, it would always say, "Your Baby This Week." Yesterday it said, "Your Toddler This Week." And it made my heart hurt and my eyes well up with tears. All I could keep thinking is, "But he's NOT a toddler! He's still my BABY!"
And of course he is still my baby. But I think I just hold on to the past and especially to times that are so special to me, and Eliot being a tiny, cuddly newborn was one of the sweetest phases of my life. So it's hard for me to trade that in, especially when the thought of another baby during this high-stress, lots-of-change time of life is completely overwhelming to me, which leaves me confident we won't have another newborn in our home anytime soon (never say never, but still . . .).
I was fortunate enough to not really suffer from the "baby blues" after Eliot was born; so maybe it's my turn to pay my dues? Add to all of this that I'm almost completely done nursing Eliot, which has been more emotionally wearing on me than I ever imagined it would be, and I'm just a sad/happy mommy mess! So, other new moms, am I normal or nuts?!
{monica}
Obviously not a current photo, but a favorite from my childhood. Needless to say, I loved dressing up and being silly with my sisters (still do!).
{mine}
These sweet boys -- my amazing husband Grant and my adorable sons Eliot, Zachary, and Andrew -- are mine, now and forever. Each day, they give me something to smile about, reasons to laugh, and a heart bursting with gratitude that we get to be a family forever.
{married}
To my sweetheart, Grant. Here, the two of us overlooking Waikiki on our trip to Hawaii in May of '06.
{mother}
In June of 2007 I became a mother when Grant and I welcomed sweet baby boy Eliot into our family. Four years later, we added our Zachary to the mix. Four years after that, our spunky Andrew came along, so I'm now the happy (but tired!) mother of three energetic boys.
{mceuen}
The maiden name I proudly claim. Here, a picture with my dad at a McEuen family reunion in the summer of '06.
{member}
I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah. The Salt Lake City temple pictured here is one of over 120 such sacred buildings in use worldwide. Grant and I were married in this temple, a ceremony which we believe seals us together not only for this life, but for eternity.
{missionary}
I served as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a period of 18 months in the southern part of Spain. It was one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. After returning from my mission, I was also blessed to be able to teach and train new missionaries at the Missionary Training Center on the BYU campus in Provo, Utah.
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5 comments:
Oh Baby.... You're my baby.... every one that I love is my baby, no matter how big....
It's normal, and my heart aches for you. I know exactly how you're feeling, and it's a different kind of heart ache. Birthdays are hard for me too, lots of trips down memory lane, grasping at the time that has passed.
It'll be alright.
And before you know it, you'll be holding another new born, and although you'll still ache for Eliot's newborn days, it'll be easier to accept his growth.
You'll know when the time is right for you to add on to your sweet family, Heavenly Father will whisper to your heart, and you'll be willing, even if it seems impossible.
NORMAL!!!!! Absolutely normal. I will say though I never got the chance to be sad about being done nursing with either of my girls. With Shannon I had gotten pregnant (with the one I miscarried) and it just went away and I figured I had another person that my body needed to focus on. And with Loralee it was either I let her become dehydrated and go to the hospital or give her bottle. It is so sad to think of them growing up, but thankfully there are great stages in store for you and Eliot that makes growing up OK (some what).
You're normal. I feel the same way. Love your hair! I'm Glad Eliot had a great celebration. They grow up way to fast. They must think it's easy to get any baby....
If you ask me, one year old still counts as a baby!
Totally normal. It doesn't get easier with each one, sorry to say. But you do get to see the fun stages they go through and discover the person that they are going to be. That makes it worth it. And you get to relive all the great things about babies again. But I completely understand the "not quite ready for another one" feeling. That too, is totally normal. Your friend Misty said it perfectly about knowing when the time is right. I copied her last sentence so I could remember it. Hope that's okay Misty! I am loving making this journey with you. Thanks Eliot for blazing the trail to remind me of what's next for Mikey.
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