Freedom Run 2008!!

Eliot and I had a fun new adventure this morning -- we ran Provo's Freedom Festival 5K together! There were SO many people there this year (well over 3,000), which makes it exciting, but at the same time presented some challenges for running with a stroller. With only one minor "incident" (for which I have no one to blame but myself), the race went pretty well. I even made my goal time, which was rewarding after weeks of training and even a couple of minor setbacks. My sister Mary ran it with me, and Grant's sisters Melissa and Tori weren't too far behind! Great way to start out our 4th and a fun family tradition. Eliot didn't even seem to mind getting woken up early to go, but he did keep looking at me pretty confused about the whole thing! What a sweet little jogging buddy he is!

Me and my running partner Eliot! (If you're confused about the background, we're actually at the BYU Creamery on 9th, the only place we could meet up with Grant and Mary's hubbie, Louie, because all the roads were blocked off for the race. Darn runners.)

My sister Mary and I. Mary's the "real" runner in the family. Just finished a 1/2 marathon up by Bear Lake a couple weeks ago. She's amazing!

Insomnia and Face Lifts

I'm going on about three weeks or more of not being able to fall asleep at night. Which isn't new for me. I did the same thing during the months leading up to my mission. Doesn't matter how tired I am, what time I go to bed, if I've worked out that day or not. Just can't shut down my brain. I think and think and worry and think, and it drives me crazy. My used-to-be-habit of getting up at 5/5:30 a.m. to go to the gym has happened maybe twice since we've been in Utah because I am exhausted in the morning since I can't fall asleep until one or two in the morning (if I'm lucky).

My most recent restless night brought about the face lift on my blog. I've wanted to add a background for a long time now, and thanks to a friend's secret tricks of the trade, I spent over an hour of my sleepless night giving my blog a "new 'do." I hunted and hunted through pages of backgrounds online, found one, tried it, didn't like it, tried again. And then once I found one, I of course had to dabble with my fonts and colors, and then change my mind about the background and start all over again . . . Sound familiar to any of you other bloggers?!

At least I wasn't tossing and turning in bed, going over my budget in my head or planning for the umpteenth time what I'm going to do the next day, or deciding at what point I'll turn off my alarm because there's no way I can get up to put in rigorous cardio on three hours of sleep. I know, I need help. But at least my blog's cute.

"Toddler" Blues

First I have to say that Eliot's birthday was wonderful. We gave him cake (which he only gently mushed), he got spoiled rotten with presents, he played with his new haul of toys, and we all went to bed exhausted from a full day. Pictures and one fun blog entry coming soon. So if Eliot's day was so great, why did I feel sad at the end of it all?

I think what started it was I got my weekly e-mail update from a website that sends me information about Eliot's growth and progress, and until yesterday, it would always say, "Your Baby This Week." Yesterday it said, "Your Toddler This Week." And it made my heart hurt and my eyes well up with tears. All I could keep thinking is, "But he's NOT a toddler! He's still my BABY!"

And of course he is still my baby. But I think I just hold on to the past and especially to times that are so special to me, and Eliot being a tiny, cuddly newborn was one of the sweetest phases of my life. So it's hard for me to trade that in, especially when the thought of another baby during this high-stress, lots-of-change time of life is completely overwhelming to me, which leaves me confident we won't have another newborn in our home anytime soon (never say never, but still . . .).

I was fortunate enough to not really suffer from the "baby blues" after Eliot was born; so maybe it's my turn to pay my dues? Add to all of this that I'm almost completely done nursing Eliot, which has been more emotionally wearing on me than I ever imagined it would be, and I'm just a sad/happy mommy mess! So, other new moms, am I normal or nuts?!

Eliot and Me

Couldn't love him more.

Hard to Believe

Sadly, with all of the commotion in our lives last summer (Commotion? What commotion? We only had a new baby, packed up our condo, attended my three youngest sisters' weddings and moved to Oregon in a period of less than three months. Nothing big.), we never sent out birth announcements for Eliot. So for his first birthday we did a "then and now" announcement (thanks to my amazing friend Brittany, who designed it for me! A million thanks, Brit!). It turned out DARLING. I'm still trying to get over the fact that Eliot turns one next week. What an incredible year it's been.

Trying Not to Blink

I have no idea where the last year went. But here I am, preparing for my "baby" boy's first birthday. And needless to say, I am filled with a wave of new emotions. I'm soaking in the thrill of preparing and planning to make his day so special (which feels much like my first Christmas shopping trip to buy Eliot his special train from Mommy and Daddy). I'm overwhelmed by the rush of memories and sweet emotions that surrounded what we were doing this time last year in preparation for Eliot's then-unknown big entrance, along with those sacred remembrances of those first days and weeks when our little world stopped and revolved around our perfect little angel. I'm relishing in the joy of celebrating all of the wonderful changes that have come to our hearts and home over the past year. I'm amazed by the wonder and awe that my life used to not include my little heart-melting, personality-bursting Eliot. And the tears well up at all these thoughts and feelings, which have all served as a reminder that, as much as a young mom's life can get stuck in day-to-day ruts, time goes shockingly too fast. So I'm trying not to blink and take in every moment and enjoy my wonderful, happy, sweet son Eliot. My soon-to-be ONE-year-old.

The Kind of Mother I Want to Be

It's the last day of public school here in Utah, and I feel like I've gotten to be a fly on the wall as I've observed at least a few mothers' reactions to their children being "let loose" for the summer. As I logged onto Facebook this morning (yes, I admit somewhat shamefully that I actually have a profile), I saw a couple of friends' comments, both very real and understandable, and yet polar opposites of one another. One admitted that she's not ready for school to be out (exclamation, exclamation), and the other declared that she is LOVING (yes, all caps) that today is the LAST (all caps again) day of school for her kids (exclamation).

The experience that was the real clincher for this fly on the wall, though, happened as I was headed out for my morning walk with Eliot. I noticed some big signs in the front windows of one of the houses around the corner from my in-laws'. There had been big signs in the window at the same house announcing a new baby girl, but these ones looked different, so I looked a little more closely. The first ones I saw said, "Welome Home" and "Woo-hoo!!" I figured maybe mom and baby had had some complications and were just getting home from the hospital, but then I caught on to what the signs were really all about when I saw the next signs: "The LAST day of school and your FIRST day of freedom!!" And then the one that actually made me tear up: "You're MINE again!" Yes, I read it and started crying. CRYING.

I have yet to meet that mom (and I can't wait to get the chance), but I already love her. I love who she is and what she's doing and what she stands for. I love how much she obviously loves her children, and I love how much I can only imagine they love her. Seriously, can you IMAGINE having a mom like that who celebrates getting to have you home for the whole summer?!

Actually, I can imagine. Because I see friends who do the same thing (like my friend who is LOVING that today was her kids' last day at school). And I have a mom who felt that way about us. How on earth she felt that way about having us home all summer long, with all of the fighting and screaming and hair-pulling we did, I'm not really sure, but she did. She loved having us around. She would often celebrate the last day of school with us and take us out for lunch or an ice cream. And she would celebrate throughout the summer, too. Even to the extent of taking us out for twist cones at Hardees on many a summer evening, followed by "cruising" past our latest crushes' houses, again and again, radio blaring, windows down, giggles galore. Mom was (and still is) one of us girls. She chose to be our friend first, to be at all of those crucial crossroads for us, and I love her immensely for that. Just like I love every other mother, like that sweet soul who posted those signs in her window today, who loves and celebrates and cherishes being a mother.

THAT is the kind of mother I want to be.

Dusting Off Old Ambitions

I walked up to the door, rang the doorbell I've rung hundreds of times, wiped my feet in the old familiar piano-keys doormat, was greeted by that same old sweet, familiar voice, and walked into the living room where still sits the elegant, white grand piano, in the same corner as always. The smell was the same, the notes on the keyboard felt the same, the phrases used by my piano teacher were even the same after all these years. At the end of the lesson she even handed me a sheet with the songs I was to practice that week, written in the same old handwriting, and in pencil, as always. And thus began my piano lessons . . . that I'm taking this summer.

That's right. After at least a 10-year break from piano lessons, I'm starting up again, for a refresher course. I've realized now that I've begun teaching lessons that I'm a little rusty in some areas and need to wipe away some of the music theory cobwebs so that I feel more comfortable teaching my students. So while we're home for the summer and I have family at my fingertips to help with Eliot during lessons, Grant and I thought this would be an ideal time for me to take some lessons for a few months. And after my first lesson, I'm thrilled to be playing again!

The part that I'm most excited about is being able to learn a few songs that I've always wanted to learn but knew I wouldn't be able to figure out alone, including these two songs -- "Rhapsody in Blue" by George Gershwin (an arrangement, not the original . . . I'll leave that to the concert pianists!!), and a piano arrangement of "O Divine Redeemer" by Charles Francois Gounod.
I'm really excited to learn these pieces once and for all, and I'm loving how exciting it is to be learning and stretching myself and just to have the confidence that comes with accomplishing something difficult. I also love the spirit that I feel when I play. Music has always reached my heart and soul, and especially when I play "O, Divine Redeemer," I remember one of the greatest reasons why I love to play music. It's a way for me to praise and honor the Savior and my Heavenly Father.

So I'm having a ball being a piano student again. Hope I can tackle these pieces and meet my objectives of de-rusting my musical memory. Wish me luck!

One Year Older and Wiser Too . . . Happy Birthday to You, Babe!

We're celebrating Grant this week. His big day is Friday, and we're celebrating big with his family by going out to the new Indiana Jones movie (which we're really looking forward to since we've only seen one movie in the theaters since Eliot was born!). I've got some other plans up my sleeve, as well, but they're still "under wraps" (pardon the pun). Grant and I are also looking forward to an evening out -- ALONE -- together on Friday night!! Thanks in advance to all the family/babysitters who are making our celebrations possible!

So here's to you, hon. Here's what I'm celebrating about you this week:
I love your never-ending optimism. There is a bright side to just about everything in your world. Thanks for balancing out this doubt-everything, trust-no-one cynic. I love that your smile is so contagious and that you can quench an awkward or embarrassing moment with just the right humorous comment. What a gift you have with people and being able to put them at ease. You are the people person I've always wished I was. Because of you, I'm smoothing off some of my rough edges and learning to laugh at life and myself a lot more easily and a lot more often.

Thanks for being a peacemaker. I believe it is that talent that has directed you to the career you are preparing for. I can't wait to see how you'll use your skills to bless the legal field. You'll be a terrific mediator and will hopefully help resolve some serious, heartbreaking conflicts in a more positive, creative way. I'm endlessly proud of you for the price you are willing to pay to achieve your career goals. You are taking on the most daunting task of your life, with the faith that it will be worth it in the end and that the Lord has put you on this path for a reason. Your ability to survive your first year of law school speaks of your persistence, your determination, your incredible work ethic, and most of all, your faith in Heavenly Father's plan for you and our little family.

I love the husband that you are to me. I love that you're not afraid of or above helping out in the kitchen or around the house in general; that you hold your own as a cook (and many times outshine me!), that you're ready and willing to roll up your sleeves and wash the dishes (and do so more than I do!). But more importantly, I love that you're kind and caring and thoughtful. I love that you've not given up the chivalry you demonstrated in our courting days and still get the door for me and all of the other sweet things you continue to do to show your love for me. Your respect for me and for all women is one of the aspects about you that I most admire and appreciate.

You are the best dad to Eliot. Any fears you had about being a father (being the youngest and not having any nieces or nephews beforehand) have completely dissipated as you now seem to be a total natural at caring for our son. I love to see him light up when you come home at the end of the day. I can't wait to see you help Eliot to become the gentleman and strong priesthood holder that your parents raised you to be. What a delight it is to go through this crash course in parenting together with you!

I love how much you love life. I love that you're proud to be your sisters' "big, little brother" and that you're a kind and concerned son, that you've embraced my family as your own, and that you just love people and would do anything to help anyone in need. You bring out the best in me and bless me with your humor, your patience, and your positive outlook on life.

So on to the partying and the celebrating of your life and all the great things YOU stand for. Hope your day's the best!! Love you with all my heart!

My First "Official" Mother's Day

This Mother's Day was my first "official" Mother's Day. Last year I was pretty darn close to being an "official" mom -- I was like 8/9 of a mom! I was definitely spoiled this Mother's Day! Below is a picture of the absolutely gorgeous roses that Grant had his dad pick up for me. I think they're some of the prettiest flowers I've ever gotten. I was also big-time spoiled to get a jogging stroller (also pictured below), which I LOVE!! I'm training for a 5K on the Fourth of July, and I want to take Eliot along for the big race, so we hunted and hunted for just the right stroller and finally found just the one I wanted. I've already tested it out several times this week and really like it. Some of my favorite Mother's Day gifts, though, were my cards: an adorable monkey card from Eliot and a home-made (yes, HOME-MADE!) card from Grant, which, as much as he tries to downplay, turned out awesome.


Appropriately, just a couple days before Mother's Day, I was cleaning through some paperwork and found some notes I had written down that had 10 points to be a good mother from President Ezra Taft Benson, a former prophet of the LDS church. From the other notes on the paper, my best guess is that I came across the list sometimes when I was at BYU. I looked up the original source and thought I'd post the list, because I loved it so much. For all of my fellow moms -- present and future -- this is for you.

President Benson has offered ten specific suggestions for mothers as they guide their precious children:

1. Take time to always be at the crossroads in the lives of your children, whether they be six or sixteen.

2. Take time to be a real friend to your children.

3. Take time to read to your children. Remember what the poet wrote:

You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be—
I had a mother who read to me.

4. Take time to pray with your children.

5. Take time to have a meaningful weekly home evening. Make this one of your great family traditions.

6. Take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible.

7. Take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family.

8. Take time to do things together as a family.

9. Take time to teach your children.

10. Take time to truly love your children. A mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love.

Ezra Taft Benson, To the Mothers in Zion, pamphlet, 1987, pp. 8–12; see also Ezra Taft Benson, Come, Listen to a Prophet’s Voice, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1990, pp. 32–36.

DONE . . . with the first and the worst!

BEFORE: In front of the law school at the beginning of the year with 6-week-old Eliot. Boy did we not know what we were in for!


AFTER: In front of the law school at the end of the year. We're all a little older, Eliot's much bigger, Grant's much wiser, Monica's much more tired, and we're all much more grateful!!

I love the feeling of accomplishment. I'm one of those nerds that actually misses school, even and especially the feeling of successfully finishing a big test after long, hard hours of study. I take great satisfaction at the end of laundry day when all of the loads have been washed, folded, and put away. One of the things I love most about running is how I feel when I'm done when my lungs are burning and those endorphines are pumping. I have enjoyed a few priceless moments of true accomplishment in my life, as well. The most rewarding moments of my life include graduating with my Bachelor's degree from BYU (after 6 long years of indecision!), returning from my full-time mission to Spain to be greeted by friends and family (and even my then future husband!), and undoubtedly being sealed to Grant in the temple, after living clean and worthy of that eternal blessing. And what could top the feeling of accomplishment of giving birth to a new life after nine eager months of waiting, nurturing and housing that precious little soul?

Now we have a new accomplishment to add to our list. We survived Grant's first year of law school. And I say "we" because it was 100 percent a team effort. Grant, Eliot, and I, along with a host of supporters -- the friends and family who encouraged and cheered from the sidelines -- all had to pull together like never before to make this last year happen.

In truth, the greatest success is Grant's, since he is the one who is busting his tail for this degree. It's his endless hours of study, his agonizing over papers, his making sense of senseless legal terminology, his pushing through the stress and anxiety of the horrendous final exams that will ultimately earn him his Juris Doctorate. But as his wife, I can't help but share in his accomplishment. Because I'm the one who saw him at the end of the day, weary, anxious, tired, and yet you'd hardly know it by the smile he gave when he walked through the door and the ever-upbeat attitude he was able to maintain. I was the one who knew the sacrifice of his decision not to study on Sundays, knowing full well that his classmates had the "advantage" of an entire day's extra study time. I was the one who stayed up late at night in bed talking with him and wondering if we were really going to make it. I'm the one who files away the statements for the daunting, accruing loan balances that will amount to the equivalent of a mortgage by the time we're done and wonder when (or if!) we'll ever actually get to have a real mortgage payment for a home of our own. I'm the one who got to see before anyone else the wave of relief that came over Grant each time finals were over, and the one who gets to see him now come home thrilled and excited about the field he gets to work in. As Grant's wife, I get to have a front-row seat in watching him fulfill his life-long dream of becoming an attorney.

I am so proud of you, Grant. The first and the worst is over, or as my mom would say, you've swallowed your first big bite of the elephant! We did it, hon. Together.

Family Reunions

Lots of you probably already know that we're back in Utah for the summer. Grant's got a great internship lined up, so we're back under the shadow of the beautiful, still snow-capped Mount Timpanogos, which means being reunited with family and friends for a few months of summer fun. We're looking forward to wave running (which I missed last summer because I was a new mommy!), barbecues, celebrating the 4th with family, not to mention getting to celebrate Eliot's first birthday party with his "twin" cousin Mikey and lots of adoring grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. As much as we're already missing beautiful Oregon and our wonderful friends there, we're already realizing how nice it is to be surrounded by family and loved ones.

As I've been back with family the past few days, I've realized how grateful I am for them. I feel so blessed by the small and simple moments we've gotten to share in the past few days -- getting to hold my brand new nephew Cole and remembering that Eliot was that tiny less than a year ago; seeing my dad ("Ampy" to Eliot and all the other grandkids) push Eliot in the swing and being absolutely delighted by Eliot's happy squeals; having a much-needed heart-to-heart with my sister Melissa who was sweet enough to stop by on her way home from Women's Conference just to see her "Moosie baby" (and in the process lift me with the light and inspiration she had just been filled with), and on and on with sweet and wonderful little experiences that have served as a reminder that my family is my greatest blessing.

I would hope that after the life-changing events of this past year that I'm more grateful for my family. I hope I'm not as prone to take them and their love for me for granted. I hope I'm more prone to express my appreciation for the kind things they do. I hope I am becoming more attentive to their needs and concerns and quicker to celebrate their joys and accomplishments. I hope I'm a more involved and interested aunt. I hope I'm a more appreciative and helpful daughter. I hope I'm a more supportive and sensitive sister. I hope I am at least in part to my family what they are to me. They are my world. They are what make the refiner's fire periods of my life worth it. They are my inspiration and my joy and my happiness. They are everything to me. Everything.

After this past year, I can attest to the fact that my family relationships have brought me the greatest joy but also the greatest anguish. At this very moment some of my most fundamental beliefs about families and their eternal nature are being tested and tried in ways that I never would have imagined. I guess maybe that's why I've been so grateful for the past few days of laughter, late-night talks, playing with babies and catching up on each other's lives. It's all served as a much-needed to reminder that it's all worth it. Every ache and sorrow and bump and hiccup that come with our sometimes seemingly very dysfunctional families IS worth it.

I love these words from Sister Barbara Thompson of the General Relief Society presidency from last October's General Conference: "The greatest help we will have in strengthening families is to know and follow the doctrines of Christ and rely on Him to help us. . . . Christ has suffered everything we could possibly imagine. He knows how we feel. He understands. He will help. . . . President Hinckley said, 'It is imperative that you not neglect your families. Nothing you have is more precious. . . . When all is said and done, it is this family relationship which we will take with us into the life beyond.' Remember the great love of our Savior. He said in Isaiah 41:10, 'Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee.' Then in verse 13 He says again, 'I will help thee.' And once more in verse 14 He says, 'I will help thee.' Believe the Savior. He will help us. He loves us. He wants us to be happy."

Love ya, fam. To quote one of the road trip songs of our childhood, "Hey it's good to be back home again."