Preschooler Eliot

Eliot is in HEAVEN!! He started preschool at the end of August, and it has been such a blessing ... for both of us! The timing was perfect -- I was at my breaking point with sleep deprivation, and Eliot was in definite need of more attention and opportunities to learn and play. So Miss Konni (a wonderful woman in our ward) & her amazing preschool have been just what we've needed! These are pictures of Eliot on his first day of school. His little bag is one that Miss Konni made for him. She makes a different patterned bag for each child and puts their name on it. Adorable.

Eliot is a little sponge soaking up all the new things he's learning. He loves spotting sight words, he gets so excited for Show & Tell, and he sings us all kinds of silly songs about pickle trees and three little witches flying over haystacks and ditches. Because he's stubborn like his mama, he gets very easily frustrated about how to properly hold his crayon and pencil (and being a lefty has made it all the more frustrating) ... but he's learning. He loves using scissors and glue. He loves getting to play outside, even if he struggles with waiting for his turn to swing or hit the T-ball.

I just can't believe how much he has grown, and I've been surprised by how much this little experience tugs at my heartstrings. As much as we have both needed those 2 1/2 hours apart three days a week, the first few times I dropped him off, I got a little lump in my throat. And I don't know who was more nervous about his first field trip -- him, or me! It has been SO good for him, and I honestly think his teacher is an angel. She loves him and is so patient and understanding of my "busy" boy (that's her term -- and I think it's just right).

Tricky, Tricky

Some of you already know that our little Zach started teething (at least as far as we were aware) at 3 1/2 months! The worst part is that he's cutting at least SIX teeth at once, and only one of them is a middle tooth! He's cutting his eye teeth, one middle tooth, and a few side ones. He has been miserable. And since he's too little for Orajel (which our doc prefers he not have anyway ... argh) and too uncoordinated to hold his own teethers, he's had to get creative with his soothing techniques. He is definitely a little thumb sucker/finger chewer, but he has also developed this very creative skill ...

Sucking a thumb & a bink at the same time!

If one is good, two is better, right?!

Pretty tricky, Zachers! Hey, whatever soothes him, we say!

(And yes, he is in "THE swing."

Like I said, whatever soothes him.)

Family Fall Picnic 2011

I love our little family's fall tradition that we started up in Oregon of having a picnic dinner outdoors. I love getting out with my family in the cool, crisp air and enjoying a special dinner together. This year we opted for rotisserie chicken and healthier, homemade sides from home instead of KFC ... yummy, but part of me yearned for my corn cobette and fake potatoes and gravy. Maybe Papa's "magic gutter" will make its return next year (For those of you thinking, "huh?," part of the reason for the KFC is the nostalgia that comes with it -- my Papa Haycock, my mom's dad, used to bring us KFC for dinner when he would come to visit and say that he found it in "the magic gutter." I think that might be the main reason I like KFC -- it brings back happy childhood memories.)

We have yet to find a venue we like as much as Salem's Riverfront Park (the view of the Willamette River at sunset was so beautiful -- click here to see what I mean), but Grant and I did come across this beautiful park, the Mt. Timpanogos Park, home of the amazing Timpanogos Storytelling Festival, which we attended a couple months ago for the first time and LOVED. The park is beautiful and has some amazing finish carpentry on the pavilions. It made a peaceful, scenic backdrop for our family picnic.

Yes, that's snow on top of the mountains!

Wouldn't be Utah if snow didn't fly before Halloween!

Eliot and Daddy with Mt. Timpanogos in the background.

Z spent most of the time bundled up and snoozing --

exactly what Eliot did the first year we did this!

E and his mommy. I love this picture.

Me and Grant. We took a ridiculous amount of these photos to end up with one good one. Worth it, I think.

Trick or Treat Preview ...

Can you guess what they're going to be for Halloween?

Broken

I have loved this song since I first heard it years ago. I love it more now. I understand how it feels to be broken. I feel very broken in so many ways right now. To any I have offended, ignored unintentionally, fallen short in supporting or reaching out to, I am truly sorry. Please know I feel so far from my true self right now. I wish I could be more, do more, give more, and yet, I feel so very broken. All I can ask for is patience and understanding as I try to put my pieces back together again. I hope and pray that's possible. Please just know I'm trying. Like we all are, right?

"I'm convinced my God loves broken me.

Praise His name, my God loves broken things."

"M" Stands for "Modify"

Yes, modify. Most of you are probably well aware that my adjustment from one to two children has, as promised by my brother-in-law, "rocked my world." I'd like to think most moms have a hard time with this particular adjustment. It was one thing to be up all night with a baby when it was just one child and it was actually feasible to do as I was advised and "sleep when the baby sleeps." It's another thing entirely to be up all night and then face the racing footsteps and all too cheery "good morning!" of an energetic four year old at 8 a.m. (which, these days, feels like 4 a.m.). And in my particular situation, I feel I've gotten an extra run for my money with the combination of nonstop Eliot and ever-eating Zach. I literally have not gotten a good night's sleep for over four months. I. Am. Exhausted.

Enter the need for modification. I'm sure this will only continue as more children come to our family (which, at this point, is questionable), but I've had to modify my life and expectations. Needless to say, the first-time mommy fussiness over dropped binkies and matchy-matchy outfits is out the door. Gone also are my incessant needs to be makeuped and hairstyled before leaving the house, of having mopped floors on a weekly basis, and resisting thrown-together dinners of corndogs/nuggets (whatever's in the freezer) and fries. We are surviving around here. Expectations are changing.

I have added to my mantras the phrase, "stress less." I tell it to myself in numerous situations throughout each day, like when I start feeling guilty about dumping my baby in the swing (again) for his nap. Yes, I know it's forming bad "sleep associations" (or so I've read in one of the many sleep books I've been studying lately) and that he will eventually grow out of the thing. But, for now, he fits and he sleeps, so I "stress less" about it. Hey, it's a win-win: he sleeps, and I get things done (maybe -- or maybe I just sleep, too). So for now we'll keep buying D batteries in bulk and keep Zach a-swingin' until his legs are hanging out over the swing. I'll worry about fixing his sleep associations then. My hope is that when that happens, I will at least have gotten a few good nights of sleep under my belt to be able to deal with the sleep training.

So yes, we're trying to "stress less" and modify expectations. I do less ironing and more rocking my baby (I know, yet another bad sleep association). I try to help lefty Eliot properly "pinch" his crayons and pencils and cheer for his efforts to memorize his address and phone number so he can earn his coveted candy corns at preschool. We don't make it to the library or park as often as we should. Eliot watches way too many Disney movies. But, we are surviving. We are modifying. We are streamlining.

Which is why I'm cutting down to "just" one blog. And no promises on how frequently I'll update this one. When I get a baby that sleeps through the night, I'll post more regularly. Until then, it will probably be hit and miss. But I will try to share as often as I can, because even in this crazy, sleep-deprived haze I'm living in, there are fun and funny moments, there are adorable photo ops of the boys, and life is good. It's a new, modified, not-so-perfect good, but it's good.

Zachary's Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

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I Am Looking Forward to ...

... Conference weekend. My heart, soul, and mind need to be filled with more uplifting things like this:

So here's to eating cinnamon rolls and drinking chocolate milk, driving the Alpine Loop, playing Conference Bingo with candy corns, and feeling the lift my spirit has been longing for. Have a wonderful weekend.

First Bath

My mom has the very sweet tradition of giving all of her grandbabies their first bath at home. So the day Zachary came home, my mom came and gave him his first little sponge bath. It's always a learning process for me -- to be reminded how to handle those little ones all over again, and to stand in awe of my mother's amazing gift with children. I think I learned to love and reverence infants from her.

Getting everything ready while Mr. Z howls in the background.

The first wipes are always a little shocking!

A big yawn -- he almost looks relaxed!

Once the hair got wet, it was all over! Such a sad face!

I Can't Believe ...

It has been three months since Zach was born. Finding these pictures on Grant's phone the other day made it feel even more surreal. It has been a whirlwind three months -- almost unfair how newborns grow so fast while their mommies are so sleep deprived. I have felt like I've been living in such a blur, and all the sudden I don't have a tiny, sleepy newborn anymore. Don't get me wrong -- we are sure loving our chubby, giggly 3-month-old, but that heavenly, cuddly newborn phase just goes way too fast.

Meeting Mama.

My first thoughts of Zach -- how much he looks like a Dickinson and yet so much like his brother at the same time. He seemed so teeny tiny -- funny how you forget how small they are!

Not long after Zach's (quick!) arrival.

Mom, Dad, and Baby.

"Ampy" McEuen (my dad) came bright and early -- like 6:00 a.m.! -- so he could meet his namesake (Zach's middle name is "Bryce," after my dad) before heading to work.

First bath. "Get me outta here!!"

Thanks, Dr. Young! I don't love this picture of me -- I think I look gross -- but it makes me happy because my doctor was SO excited to hold Zach. Glad to know he loves babies!

Eliot meeting his little bro for the first time. A very tender moment. The snuggle puppy was Eliot's gift to his brother.

Helping Mommy count fingers and toes.

I'm THAT mom ...

Recently, I've come to the horrifying realization that I have become ... THAT mom. Uh huh, you know the one. The one who takes what seems like a half an hour to load her kids in or out of her car while people are waiting to get in or out of their car and/or parking spot. The one whose baby starts screaming (and I mean SCREAMING) while waiting in one of the several ridiculously long lines at Costco, only to realize that the life-saving binkie has been left in the car or (worse!) at home, so she has to rescue the screaming child from his car seat, and somehow figure out how to maneuver her giant cart one-handed, all while trying to occupy the impatient preschooler riding up front, then (not done yet!) unload her equally giant Costco-size groceries (yes, still one-handed) without nudging the babe from the only single position that seems to comfort him at the moment. I'm the one whose 4-year-old humiliates her in the store (could be Costco, Winco, Target ... take your pick), accusing her of eating up all the Fruit Loops in his loudest possible voice and demanding she buy another box, after which I try to explain that no, we're not buying another box of Fruit Loops because they're junk, even though he and I know perfectly well that I did in fact eat up the entire box. I'm the mom who's grateful her child is a preschooler and not a teenager, because otherwise he'd be humiliated by my just-rolled-out-of-bed appearance when I drop him off -- no makeup, frizzy pony, workout pants that I've had to stuff my postpartum self into ... all things I swore in a former life (read "all-knowing" young single adult) I would NEVER do. I'm the one chasing my child around the library, with a baby strapped to my chest, "whispering" threats to get off the computer, to please STOP taking books off the shelf and shoving them back wherever he chooses, and PLEASE, for heaven's sake, stop climbing on the Harry Potter castle! I beg my child to be quiet at the pharmacy, to please, for once in his life be reverent in Sacrament meeting, plead with him to not say the bad words he learned from me at preschool, and worry myself sick that he's still soaking his nighttime Pull-ups at well over 4 years old. I bribe with dessert, candy, die cast cars, whatever it takes ... again, all the things I added at one point to my "I will never... /My child will never ..." lists.

Yes (SIGH), I am that mom. But, gratefully, I'm not alone. My sister just e-mailed me the following post from a friend of hers, and I was very, VERY comforted to find that there are lots of other mommies out there who find themselves being "THAT" mom. Maybe being "that" mom means we're just real moms, doing, as she says below, "doing the gosh darn best that [we] can."

P.S. I will NEVER add another item to my "I will never .../My child will never ..." lists again!

From another "that" mom:

I never thought I would be

...that crazy mom who runs around town in work out clothes.

or the mom who sends her kids to school with sticky-up hair.

or the mom who holds up check-out lines in wal-mart all for the sake of one measly coupon.

or the mom who lets her kids sleep in her bedroom. every.single.night.

or the mom who snaps at her kids in the store.

or the mom who puts her kid in joyschool.

or the mom who leaves her baby in the car....and just happens to be parked in the spot farthest away from the door....and doesn't even realize she doesn't have her baby until her hubby {inside the movie theater} mouths the words: "where's sam?"

or the mom who {maybe} says swear words.

or the mom who makes cereal for dinner.

no, i never thought i would be that mom.

but i am.

and it feels so good.

i'm not perfect.

i don't accomplish big projects on a daily basis.

or a weekly basis for that matter.

but i'm doing the gosh darn best that i can.

my kids wear hand-me-downs.

they pick their noses

bite their nails

wipe their face on their shirts

and say potty words.

{and it's so funny when they do}

they probably watch too much tv

play too many video games

and get away with more than i ever did

but that is how we do things

every.day.

and it feels so good.

we play.

we laugh.

we tease.

we "get fwustwated"

we tickle.

we giggle.

we throw.

we catch.

we jump.

we run.

I never thought life could be so good.

right now. today.

it feels so good.

It's That Time Again ...

Time to rev up the workout mix. PLEASE send me your suggestions for songs that get you moving! And yes, this is seriously the iPod I still use ... hoping for an upgrade one of these days, but glad this one's still hangin' in there in the meantime. And it doubles as strength training when it's strapped to my arm. :)

And yes, I KNOW I need to post pics of the babe ... SOON!